2018 was the happiest and most depressing year of my life
Start writing a post
Student Life

2018 Has Been The Happiest And Most Depressing Year Of My Life, But I Wouldn't Change A Thing

Let me explain

103
2018 Has Been The Happiest And Most Depressing Year Of My Life, But I Wouldn't Change A Thing
Personal Photo

Ah 2018, what can I say? It's been a year, to say the least. I've had moments of intense laughter and complete happiness. And I've also had moments where I didn't want to get out of bed, off the bathroom floor, or ultimately not want to make it to the next day.

If I could sum up 2018 it would be a year of change, growth and plenty of life lessons. I came into this year bright-eyed and determined, holding onto someone for love and support. And I'm ending this year with still some spark, alone, and with a few scars.

When I look back on this year I sort of see it like those old-time footage reels. A montage of moments going at high speed throughout my head where even if I blink I can't slow it down. I'm reminded of all the good times and bad times and there were plenty of each. And it's in those moments that I realize how happy and yet depressed I was this entire year.

But here's the crazy thing, even though I may have felt an extreme difference throughout, I wouldn't change a thing. Because I like who I am right now and who I'm slowly starting to become. And as I look back on that person I was this year I see someone trying so desperately to find and have something that I shouldn't have had to force myself to get. But I'm proud of that girl because she had a pretty amazing year despite the dark turns and long-awaited back roads.

I had my first New Years kiss with a boy I trusted to hold my heart who I thought for sure would get a repeat this year.

I visited my mom in the hospital when she was there for a whole week dealing with complications from something she has. I remember her praising me for being so strong and keeping it together. Little did she know I cried every time I went back to my car in the visitor's parking lot as well as while I did laundry, drove to work and took a shower.

I got to experience Lana Del Rey in concert, and as I danced on the outskirts of the floor with a cloud of marijuana circling me and getting a contact high, I could finally cross off a six-year long-awaited bucket list performer.

I got accepted to graduate schools and cried

I got rejected from graduate schools and also cried

I had a french fry salad for Valentine's Day, the first time I was happy to celebrate a holiday I loathed.

I spent my birthday at a fancy restaurant in between crying over the fact that my alcoholic father didn't text me to wish me a happy birthday for the first time in over eleven years.

I stayed up until 6 a.m. every night for a week because my anxiety wouldn't let me sleep. I thought it would never pass.

I made my decision on where I was going to graduate school and finally felt like my dream of becoming a writer was getting closer to becoming a reality.

I went out drinking on St. Patrick's Day and got so drunk after a Tequila shot the last thing I remembered was passing my last beer to everyone to finish it.

I started an internship

I participated in the March For Our Lives march in Boston and it was the most fulfilling thing I think I did this year.

I celebrated a birthday for someone up in Vermont and got day drunk and had a very memorable time.

I danced my heart out and screamed at the top of my lungs when I got to see Lorde in concert.

I got drunk at a "classy" party and was the first to christen the upstairs toilet for vomiting in it.

I've come to learn that Ibuprofen is in fact, a very good friend.

I danced in a snowfall of confetti when I saw HAIM in concert with my best friend.

I started seeing a therapist after battling with depression a couple of months prior.

I reconnected with old friends from high school and it felt like we never left each others lives.

I got stupid drunk on Cinco de Mayo.

I went to my first festival (Boston Calling) and laid on the ground listening to The Killers close night one and danced in the pouring rain seeing Khalid on day three.

I celebrated an anniversary with someone, something I never thought I'd get to do.

I got to see Vance Joy again and shared the moment with someone I compared "Fire and The Flood" to.

I went to The 99 an excessive amount of times but enjoyed the Sunday tradition.

I contemplated ending my relationship I was in because I was confused and unhappy for some time.

I managed to watch the fireworks on the Fourth of July even though I closed that night. It was worth the ride.

I went to the beach and got sunburn.

I started graduate school and met some amazing and incredibly talented people who some I can call my friends. We have a group chat now.

I went to Warped Tour and threw up and almost got my glasses broken by some guy who decided to crowd surf at the back of the crowd.

I got to see Taylor Swift for the first time since meeting her and the first time being in love. I got to hear all those songs in a much different way than I had before.

I went tubing down a river in the pouring rain and experienced camping for the first time. I drank a lot that weekend.

I saw Billy Joel at Fenway and got drunk with my mom and also stubbed my pinky toe so bad it bled.

I danced in a recital for the first time since I was eighteen.

I got drunk for eight hours straight at different breweries in Maine for Labor Day weekend.

I visited my mom at her new place she was staying with her boyfriend and his daughter. I couldn't go into her room for a week when she first moved out, now I live in it.

I got to hold my best friends baby and fell in love with his smile.

I got my heart broken.

I opened up to my coworkers more, I swear I've never been happier at a job before. I go out with them sometimes for drinks and it's made me realize everything I missed out on when I only relied on one person all the time.

I got drunk at a club with my friends on Halloween.

I saw Elton John with my mom and don't remember too much, neither does she.

I found out I'm pretty good at bowling

I've come to terms that I'll always be a lightweight.

I went through a period of really bad depression and quit social media for a little bit.

I started going on dates. After I finish this I'm going on one tonight with someone I really like.

I went ice skating and failed pretty hard.

I fulfilled my drunken dreams by dancing to "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" at a bar.

I celebrated my grandmas 80th birthday.

I went to a house party where I knew no one and met a girl named Kirstie. My life was made and mind was blown.

I get through every day knowing how many people I have in my life who would be so upset if something were to happen to me. That's what keeps me going.

So, that's my 2018. I danced, laughed, cried, threw up, and drank a lot. And I've loved every single moment of it.

For 2019 I'm going into the new year hopeful. I don't have any resolutions but I'm excited and ready to see what this year has in store for me. There's so much I have to look forward to and I can't wait to box up 2018 and pile it high above and hide in my mind and never open it again.

2019, I'm ready for you.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

58995
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

38093
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

959587
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

196180
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments