Ah 2018, what can I say? It's been a year, to say the least. I've had moments of intense laughter and complete happiness. And I've also had moments where I didn't want to get out of bed, off the bathroom floor, or ultimately not want to make it to the next day.

If I could sum up 2018 it would be a year of change, growth and plenty of life lessons. I came into this year bright-eyed and determined, holding onto someone for love and support. And I'm ending this year with still some spark, alone, and with a few scars.

When I look back on this year I sort of see it like those old-time footage reels. A montage of moments going at high speed throughout my head where even if I blink I can't slow it down. I'm reminded of all the good times and bad times and there were plenty of each. And it's in those moments that I realize how happy and yet depressed I was this entire year.

But here's the crazy thing, even though I may have felt an extreme difference throughout, I wouldn't change a thing. Because I like who I am right now and who I'm slowly starting to become. And as I look back on that person I was this year I see someone trying so desperately to find and have something that I shouldn't have had to force myself to get. But I'm proud of that girl because she had a pretty amazing year despite the dark turns and long-awaited back roads.

I had my first New Years kiss with a boy I trusted to hold my heart who I thought for sure would get a repeat this year.

I visited my mom in the hospital when she was there for a whole week dealing with complications from something she has. I remember her praising me for being so strong and keeping it together. Little did she know I cried every time I went back to my car in the visitor's parking lot as well as while I did laundry, drove to work and took a shower.

I got to experience Lana Del Rey in concert, and as I danced on the outskirts of the floor with a cloud of marijuana circling me and getting a contact high, I could finally cross off a six-year long-awaited bucket list performer.

I got accepted to graduate schools and cried

I got rejected from graduate schools and also cried

I had a french fry salad for Valentine's Day, the first time I was happy to celebrate a holiday I loathed.

I spent my birthday at a fancy restaurant in between crying over the fact that my alcoholic father didn't text me to wish me a happy birthday for the first time in over eleven years.

I stayed up until 6 a.m. every night for a week because my anxiety wouldn't let me sleep. I thought it would never pass.

I made my decision on where I was going to graduate school and finally felt like my dream of becoming a writer was getting closer to becoming a reality.

I went out drinking on St. Patrick's Day and got so drunk after a Tequila shot the last thing I remembered was passing my last beer to everyone to finish it.

I started an internship

I participated in the March For Our Lives march in Boston and it was the most fulfilling thing I think I did this year.

I celebrated a birthday for someone up in Vermont and got day drunk and had a very memorable time.

I danced my heart out and screamed at the top of my lungs when I got to see Lorde in concert.

I got drunk at a "classy" party and was the first to christen the upstairs toilet for vomiting in it.

I've come to learn that Ibuprofen is in fact, a very good friend.

I danced in a snowfall of confetti when I saw HAIM in concert with my best friend.

I started seeing a therapist after battling with depression a couple of months prior.

I reconnected with old friends from high school and it felt like we never left each others lives.

I got stupid drunk on Cinco de Mayo.

I went to my first festival (Boston Calling) and laid on the ground listening to The Killers close night one and danced in the pouring rain seeing Khalid on day three.

I celebrated an anniversary with someone, something I never thought I'd get to do.

I got to see Vance Joy again and shared the moment with someone I compared "Fire and The Flood" to.

I went to The 99 an excessive amount of times but enjoyed the Sunday tradition.

I contemplated ending my relationship I was in because I was confused and unhappy for some time.

I managed to watch the fireworks on the Fourth of July even though I closed that night. It was worth the ride.

I went to the beach and got sunburn.

I started graduate school and met some amazing and incredibly talented people who some I can call my friends. We have a group chat now.

I went to Warped Tour and threw up and almost got my glasses broken by some guy who decided to crowd surf at the back of the crowd.

I got to see Taylor Swift for the first time since meeting her and the first time being in love. I got to hear all those songs in a much different way than I had before.

I went tubing down a river in the pouring rain and experienced camping for the first time. I drank a lot that weekend.

I saw Billy Joel at Fenway and got drunk with my mom and also stubbed my pinky toe so bad it bled.

I danced in a recital for the first time since I was eighteen.

I got drunk for eight hours straight at different breweries in Maine for Labor Day weekend.

I visited my mom at her new place she was staying with her boyfriend and his daughter. I couldn't go into her room for a week when she first moved out, now I live in it.

I got to hold my best friends baby and fell in love with his smile.

I got my heart broken.

I opened up to my coworkers more, I swear I've never been happier at a job before. I go out with them sometimes for drinks and it's made me realize everything I missed out on when I only relied on one person all the time.

I got drunk at a club with my friends on Halloween.

I saw Elton John with my mom and don't remember too much, neither does she.

I found out I'm pretty good at bowling

I've come to terms that I'll always be a lightweight.

I went through a period of really bad depression and quit social media for a little bit.

I started going on dates. After I finish this I'm going on one tonight with someone I really like.

I went ice skating and failed pretty hard.

I fulfilled my drunken dreams by dancing to "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" at a bar.

I celebrated my grandmas 80th birthday.

I went to a house party where I knew no one and met a girl named Kirstie. My life was made and mind was blown.

I get through every day knowing how many people I have in my life who would be so upset if something were to happen to me. That's what keeps me going.

So, that's my 2018. I danced, laughed, cried, threw up, and drank a lot. And I've loved every single moment of it.

For 2019 I'm going into the new year hopeful. I don't have any resolutions but I'm excited and ready to see what this year has in store for me. There's so much I have to look forward to and I can't wait to box up 2018 and pile it high above and hide in my mind and never open it again.

2019, I'm ready for you.