Every year around the first of the year I make new goals and look back over my goals from the previous year to see how I did. I don't call them resolutions, I don't know why, but I call them goals. I have a few guidelines for how I write them. They have to be attainable and they have to be stated as "I will..." not "I hope..." or "I want..." or "I wish...". They also have to be my goals. I cannot write a goal that says "I will get my husband to paint the bathroom." To write that as a goal for me I would have to say "I will get the bathroom painted." Now I can do it myself, ask my husband to do it or hire a painter, but the bathroom will get painted.

I Am The Author

So every year I think of as a chapter in the book of my life. What do I want this chapter to look like? I also like to go back and revisit other chapters to see where I've been at different parts of my story. It continues whether it is my favorite chapter or not and I'm blessed that my book is still being written. So a big realization for me this year is that this is my book, and for too many years I have been letting others write in my book. I thought it was like a group chat, everyone got an opinion and a say in what happens in my book. For many years of my life, I think that I got caught up in other's stories and books and mistook their chapters for mine. Life is short, I have the pencil, it is my book. Everyone else can stick to their own book.

I Am Not The Editor

Bad news for me, I don't get to control the outcome of my book. I have ideas (I call them goals) and I can go about life with the intention of meeting those goals but I don't get to control it word for word. I believe that there is a higher power in charge of my life. Something that can see the whole book, not just the chapters, and I have to trust that life is happening the way it is happening for a reason. A reason I may not understand but have to trust. Last year one of my goals was that I would practice self love. I tried to do this daily by caring for my basic needs of sleep, nutrition, exercise, honoring my feelings and needs. Most days I failed miserably. I never thought when I wrote that goal that I would be writing articles for a blog called Self Love Beauty. I was just open to the idea of loving myself, caring for myself and honoring myself. When I saw the posting for a writer, I was open to trying it because it aligned with my goal. I did not control or search it out but was open to it. It is not at all what I envisioned when I wrote that goal. I'm still working on the sleeping, eating, feelings part but that is okay, more will be revealed in future chapters.

Write In Pencil

A friend told me recently "I can write my story, but I better write in pencil because God has a big old eraser." So if I believe that there is a plan for my life and I don't always get to know or understand what it is, I have to trust that wherever I am, is where I am supposed to be. I can be open to change, I can be willing to do it differently but sometimes the best thing I can do for my peace of mind is just accept everything as it is for the moment.

I Don't Always Know What Is Best

I had one year when I decided that I wanted to have a year of fun. So I did. I ignored every bad feeling, everything that I didn't agree with, and every reality in the name of fun. I thought I was winning because I had forced fun in every situation, even when in reality there were dark things happening or I ignored responsibility in the name of fun. I ignored red flags so that I didn't have to be the bad guy and interfere with the fun. At the end of that year I was left with a mountain of crap that had built up, that I ignored when I was too busy having fun, and it all needed to be dealt with because it hadn't gone away and in fact it was more complicated because it grew while it waited. So I had my year of fun with about a years worth of consequences and wreckage to deal with when it was over.

Chapters End

A few Christmases ago I made it a goal to spend more time with my Grandmother. I realized she was getting older and that I was missing out on time with her. Her favorite thing to do was to go out to dinner. So for Christmas I gave her a calendar with the promise of taking her out to dinner once a month (goal). We went out in January to a restaurant she had never been to before and it was wonderful. I was so glad to be spending that time with her and so happy she was happy. It was the only dinner we would do because she went into the hospital a few days before out next date and never came home again. She died that April and I was too late (big eraser). I didn't know that chapter was ending. I don't always get to know.

Bring it on 2017

I will be writing a few personal goals for this coming year. They will be centered around being the best me I can be. I will write them, believe in them, work toward them. But I will also let go of the outcome. I will be kind to my shortcomings and I will be open to plot twists. I want it to go my way of course but my way would be safe and boring. I want my chapter to be safe, reliable, predictable, etc. But no one ever picked up a book and said "Ooh I'll read this safe, reliable, predictable book!". No the best books are filled with plot twists, new characters, and tons of chapters where we aren't even sure we follow what is going on. I don't know what my 2017 chapter will look like, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to find out.