Warning: The following article has many puns and jokes from the show "Parks and Recreation" that may not be clear to those who have not seen the show. If this pertains to you, I recommend watching it. It's amazing.
The New Year is upon us and there is a lot to look forward to; new TV shows and movies, our New Years resolutions, a presidential inauguration (eh), etc. But, there are some things that have been predicted for us!
Amy Poehler’s "Parks and Recreation" aired its last season two years ago in February of 2015, taking place in the at-the-time futuristic time period of 2017. Andy had his own TV show, Ben was running for mayor, Leslie and Ron rekindled their old friendship, and many more interesting events occurred that can help give us an idea of what to expect for this year.
SPORTS NEWS
LeBron gets back with Miami.
(Season 7, episode 6) In this episode, titled Save JJ's, there is a mention of the basketball star once again playing for the Miami team. And you thought they partied hard when he returned to Cleveland.
The Cubs win the world series.
(Season 7, episode 3) Tom and Andy venture to Chicago to visit Tom's ex-girlfriend, Lucy, who claims everyone in the town seems to be "in a really good mood." It is not stated when the team won or who they were up against, but there are many theories supporting the Cubs winning.
POLITICS AND BUSINESS
Joe Biden writes a new book.
(Season 7, episode 5) Leslie flaunts her new gift; book titled Biden the Rails: A Thousand and One Poems Inspired by My Travels Through Amtrak's Northeast Corridor.
Verizon, Exxon, and Chipotle merge together.
(Season 7, episode 10) During Andy's final episode of The Johnny Karate Supper Awesome Musical Explosion Show, there is an ad about how the three brands are just one of America's eight remaining companies.
Mount Rushmore gets sexy.
(Season 7, episode 1) Thanks to Leslie's idea about making Thomas Jefferson hotter in the Mount Rushmore promotions, attendance is through the roof.
CELEBRITY NEWS
Bruce Willis and Christina Aguilera marry.
(Season 7, episode 6) Donna and Tom go to Hollywood for Treat Yo' Self 2017 and enjoy a double-decker bus tour where we see Bristina's new home, and Usher is their neighbor.
Shia LaBeouf finds his calling as a designer.
(Season 7, episodes 1 and 10) Donna lands one of his dresses for herwedding, as well as Tom proposing to Lucy with a ring from his jewelry collection.
Morgan Freeman and Shailene Woodley along with Nicki Minaj and Jesse Eisenberg are feuding.
(Season 7 episodes 3 and 5) The Freeman vs. Woodley feud is apparently more serious than Biggie and Tupac. The Eisenberg vs. Minaj dispute started at the BAFTA Awards when shade was thrown, and everyone at Tom's Bistro has something to say about it.
TV and Film
Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch is a must see.
(Season 7, episodes 2 and 6) Following the correct styles and trends, Tom is dying to have a pair of theshoes Jaden Smith supposedly wears in the film. Tom also loves his new mobile devices from the new company, Gryzzl (that seems to be a mix of Apple, Facebook, and Google), because he can watch this movie of the year whenever and wherever he wants.
Jack Sparrow is a character on Game of Thrones...
(Season 7, episode 4) And he is supposedly set to marry Daenerys Targaryen. Leslie shares our confusion whereas die-hard fan Ben Wyatt claims "it makes sense if you read thebooks".
There is a new Jason Bourne movie starring Kevin James.
(Season 7, episode 1) I was shocked to hear that Paul Blart was going to be a serious secret agent, but Miss Knope believes he "nailed it" and Andy says he's heard "it was pretty funny".
FOOD AND TRENDS
Bedazzling elbows is the new fashion trend.
(Season 7, episode 6) Treat yo' self with the standard bedazzling starting at $140 or enjoy some custom art at $250.
You can Lasik your fingernails.
(Season 7, episode 6) The meaning of this trend is a tad confusing, but Tom claims it was his idea first.
You can eat celebrity sushi.
(Season 7, episode 6) Tom and Donna stop at the hottest restaurant in LA for Treat Yo' Self 2017 where they can order sushi that was previously owned by celebrities.
You've tried Almond Milk...
(Season 7, episode 3) But now it is time for Beef milk. That's right, this year it is all about this "authentic, hand-strained, teet-to-table beef milk" and it's $60 a gallon.
Elton John now owns Chick-fil-A.
(Season 7, episode 3) The openly gay singer has purchased the notoriously anti-gay food chain for reasons we do not know. Although this is a confusing buy, Donna tells us that after the purchase sales "went through the roof".
If this year goes as the parks and rec gang has predicted for us, we are sure in for an interesting time.
