In the year 2012, I was 14 going on 15 years of age. I was a shy person going into my second semester of my freshman year of high school and starting my sophomore year in the fall. Though, I was just a newbie to the high school scene, I had already been given a good name because of my sister before me. She was, and still is, a magnificent human being and I somewhat enjoyed being called out as being her sister.
Of course, people asked me whether or not I was like her or if I had the same mannerisms as her. In some ways I did and in some ways I didn't. However, as a new high school student, I didn't know what to tell them since I had not yet made a "true name" for myself and I didn't think of myself as standing out from the crowd in any way. Sure, I was goofy and filled with energy, as any freshman going on sophomore would be, but I was not yet defined by what I did or what I said because people didn't really know me yet.
They only knew me from what they knew of my sister.
Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but nonetheless I was still ready to make a name for myself in the band, on the swim team and in academics in general. It was one of the most important things to me as a high school student other than getting good grades and staying on top of things.
However, now that I think about it, I already had a name for myself on the swim team as one of the fastest distance swimmers on the team. I was thrown into the 200 IM, which is a combination of multiple different swim strokes for those who don't know, in the second meet that I was in. It was a thrill competing in such a long race and it continued to thrill me for the rest of my swim career.
For most of my high school career, I always kept a shy, calm, quiet and nice demeanor about me even when things went downhill. It was a rare event that I came to school crying and when I did, people knew that something must have been up. Even when depression and anxiety came through and hit me with the weight of a semi truck, no one knew because I never let it show on the outside.
Some people reading this now might even be surprised that I have depression and anxiety.
I grew a bit when I was released from the confined spaces of my high school and went onto realize different dreams in college. I became more confident in myself, though there are those moments, as with anyone, where I believe myself to be sub-par or standard compared to others. So, comparing myself to others hasn't completely gone away, but who really ever stops comparing themselves to others in their field or in their hobbies?
In college, I became unafraid of people in and out of costume, because I used to find it easier to talk to people in my cosplay, and I have the courage to go up and ask someone about their work or talk to them about what their favorite hobbies are. Sure, it might take a push or two, but I eventually step outside of my boundaries to meet new people and discover new things that I didn't think I was capable of before I even tried.
Something as simple as trying new poses while drawing has given me courage and confidence in myself.
My physical appearance has changed as well. I went from being a small girl with big shoulders and long hair. Since then, I have grown into my body, my hair is cut to a pixie and has an auburn tint, though I am trying to get it back to my original color. I am unafraid of makeup and I am willing to try new things when it comes to makeup.
People who have gone to high school with me probably still know me as that shy, calm, quiet and nice girl that I was when we spent most of our lives together. However, people who just meet me and closest friends know that I love nerdy things, I could talk forever and ever about my favorite things and that I love meeting new people.
Some may also know me in cosplay while others may know me while playing an instrument or sharing my life experiences and ideas in a journalism class and some may know me solely through a username on a social media site. Through the form of me I've made friends and through every form, I've learned more than I possibly could ever hope to know.
So now, I'm 20 going on 21 and it's been six years since 2012. Do I think that I've stepped out of my sister's shadow and made myself my own person?
Yes.
Yes, I do.
