We've all been there before, terrified with our brains scrambling for answers during an exam. I guarantee these thoughts have gone through your mind, too.
1. Please let me stay awake long enough to finish this test.
Every college student knows that the night before an exam is going to be filled with coffee, no sleep, cramming, crying, procrastinating, food and thoughts about dropping out of college to become female and male entertainers. It should come as no surprise then that it’s quite challenging to stay awake during the actual test.
2. Oh my gosh. The door is closed. Where’s the nearest exit? I think I’m going to pass out.
When the professor closes the door, it becomes extremely apparent that this is real life. The exam is actually going to happen. There’s no backing out now. There’s no escape from the bright white paper that’s coming your way.
3. NOOO! I just need five more minutes to study!
For some reason, everything you read in the last five seconds before the test is the information that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. It doesn’t matter if you studied everything else for over six days before the test. That little last second sentence will be ingrained in your brain forever.
4. Give me my test already so that I can write this note down before I forget it.
That moment when you have to separate yourself from the packet of notes that you’ve been holding all night is the most anxiety filled moment of your life. It’s like being separated from your dog when you leave home to go back to school. Those notes have become your life, and without them, all of the information is slowly fading away. It’s like your brain is working against you to make you forget everything as soon as possible, and if you don’t write it down in the next five seconds, you’re basically doomed.
5. Hey, the first one wasn’t too bad. Maybe this won’t be that bad after all.
Sometimes, you’ll be lucky enough to have an easy first question. It’ll be either a short vocab question or knowledge check. If not, then I feel sorry for you. That’s when you know you’re doomed.
6. Wait … I know this one. I know exactly where it is in my notes … but I just don’t remember what it said.
Of course! You know exactly where this answer is located in your notes, yet you can’t seem to remember what it said at all on the page. You can try and remember all you want, but right where the answer should be is a large question mark with an evil face just laughing at you and your misfortune.
7. Yeah, I missed that day of class I think.
A lot of times it happens that you miss only one day of class, but apparently that one day of class was when the professor decided to pass out the answer key to everyone just to spite you. Of course you missed the one day that the professor ACTUALLY lectured on something.
8. When did we learn this?
They tell you not to worry about any questions coming from the reading. “Questions will only be from the chapter outlines,” they said. “Don’t worry about the captions,” they said. What a lie. It’s all a conspiracy! They want you to fail on purpose so that you won’t be able to graduate so they can torture you forever.
9. Oh man. I don’t remember this one.
It happens - quite often. There are those unfortunate questions that you flat out just don’t know. No matter how much you could’ve studied, you wouldn’t ever be able to answer that question to save your life. If it was between you knowing the answer to the question and the world being destroyed, you would need to quickly use your last “phone a friend” lifeline.
10. I needed to know the answer to number 10 to get 11 through 15 right, but I guessed on 10.
There are always those professors that like to make five different questions based off of the answers from the previous question. If you missed the previous ones, there’s no way you could get the other questions correct. It’s a sad day when you forget how to do the first question that causes you to get the next five wrong.
11. This question is long. It has a lot of numbers.
Face it. The long questions are the WORST. There is far too much reading and too little time left to finish the test. Who do they think they are? They just take up all of your time that you could spend actually answering the question by making you read the question. Why do some professors think they have to be so funny by writing a whole biography about Mario and Luigi investing in a 1-Up Mushroom business that Yoshi started?
12. Well, I narrowed it down to A and B. They literally have one word different. I’ll just guess, but I’ll probably still get it wrong because that’s my luck.
Some of the most depressing moments for any college student during the test is when you have your answers narrowed down to two answers, but one word is keeping you from knowing the correct answer. Is it “x-y” or is it “x+y”? Sometimes you study and think you have the right answer, but when it comes to the moment of truth, you randomly become dyslexic and can’t decide if you trust that you wrote down the equation the right way.
13. Hey! I know this! Wait - I didn’t get ANY of those answers.
Isn’t it so lovely when you are so excited to actually know how to do a question, but when you get your answer, it doesn’t match any of the options? Yeah, that’s the funniest one. You work so hard to get this one answer, but none of the answer choices that you’re given are even REMOTELY close to what you ended up with. Is there a place they can just let us “fill in the blank” instead?
14. I’ve literally read this question six times and still don’t even know what it’s asking.
At some point, you’ll get so tired of reading questions that you’ll start to zone out. Once this happens, it takes about five or six times to read a question and actually understand what it wants you to answer. That’s when you know that your mind is giving up on you.
15. I need coffee.
Maybe studying before the test should have consisted of a quick run to Java City, Starbucks or Einstein’s. After an all-nighter, it’s hard to stay motivated. Those sweet sips between questions are like little refreshers that whisper to you, “You got this! Keep going! Get an A!”
16. Last question. Nope. Don’t know that either.
Once you get to the last question, you’re just done. You don’t even care if you get the last question right or wrong at this point because you just want to leave and go to sleep. You don’t care if you did well or bad because you’re so sleep deprived that you’ve started seeing dancing trees and unicorns outside of the window.
17. I have some time left. Maybe if I draw this cute dinosaur then the professor will take pity on me.
If you have the time, you might even throw in a few cute drawings to display your witty sense of humor that the professor might like and influence him to boost your test grade. Though it will probably never actually happen, isn’t it nice to think that your sleep-deprived drawings might make your professor laugh?
18. I probably failed, but maybe the professor will curve the test.
It’s OK if you did. Other people did, too. You aren’t alone in your saltiness over how hard the test was. Maybe you didn’t fail as bad as you think you did. However, there’s always that little burning passion of hope that everyone else did horrible on the test to so that the professor takes pity on your class and curves the grade up. Hey, every point you can get is another point closer to not a failing grade.
19. Just let me get back to my dorm so that I can sulk in silence and catch up on the sleep I missed from studying last night.
It’s over. You barely survived. You may have failed, but you don't have the brain power to comprehend that at the moment. All that matters is getting some Chik-Fil-A from the student center, falling head first into your bed and taking a good week-long nap to celebrate the fact that you are alive (more or less).
In the end, there is one thing that matters. Exams are horrendous monstrosities that have the power to make students reevaluate their life decisions. They're not joking matters. Tests are not good things. They are EVIL!
Spell it out with me: