To some people I might seem like an open book. To some it might seem like I'm hiding some things. And some may think that they know me well enough where they know everything. Well, very few people actually know everything about me and how I feel. That's why I wrote a few things down that most people probably don't know about me. As you read through, please remember that this isn't me trying to make people feel bad or feel bad for me. It's just me saying how I feel. Here it goes...
1.
So a lot of those jokes I make about myself, not all of them are jokes. Some of them are serious. You just can't always tell.
2.
I've had people abuse that trust. I trust the wrong people. So, to everyone who thinks I don't trust them, it's just difficult for me.
3.
You can tell me that I'm not all you want. It's not going to change how I feel. A little part of me will always think I'm doing everything wrong.
4.
I like those old traditions. The cute dates, good manners, good attitude, respect, and happily ever afters. And yes, I do know that that's not how it always works.
5.
Like they don't listen, like they don't care, or like they listen just so I'll shut up about it.
6.
I love the United States of America, but I kind of wish I was born in Ireland.
7.
It's something I'll always say. I don't like showing weakness and I feel like when I say something is wrong, I'm showing weakness.
8.
I live off of quotes.
9.
I might act like I don't, but believe me I really do.
10.
Good or bad, they consume me.
11.
You can say I'm not all you want. There will always be a part of me that worries about it. One of my biggest fears isn't spiders, or snakes, or heights (even though I'm afraid of all of those). It's disappointing the ones I love.
12.
I want to travel to Ireland, England, Spain, Australia, Italy, and more.
13.
Like when my friends do things without me. I know they don't have to, or want to, include me in everything. Or with "inside jokes" or things I wouldn't understand because I "wasn't there for it". They just hurt a little sometimes.
14.
I dream realistic things. I dream unrealistic things. I dream things I know will happen. And I dream things I know won't happen.
15.
I might not advertise it, but I have. Might not have been physical, but it happened.
16.
We all have our weak moments. Mine just happen more often when people are around but I hold them in until people aren't around. I will rarely tell you when something actually hurts me emotionally, just know that sometimes it does.
17.
I overthink everything. You can say something small and I promise you that whether it's right away, or sometime later on, I will think about it again and I will over think it.
18.
You can say you don't all you want. I'll still continue to think that you do.
19.
You might not think I notice a lot of things, but trust me when I say that I probably did notice, I just didn't say anything.
20.
It's going to take some time, but I'm working on it.
I'm sorry if any of these upset you, but I just needed to say it. By writing this I'm not trying to get people to feel bad for me or make them walk on egg shells around me because they're afraid of hurting me or upsetting me. I just thought it was time that I say something. I'm sorry if you thought you knew everything about me and this made you realize you were wrong. And I'm sorry if you, for some reason, got offended by this. But it's just how I feel. I'm working on all 20 of these things. They're all going to take some time but I'm slowly working on them.
