Looking back at my teenage years (three months ago) I have realized how mature I have become. I understand fine wines and always know Barefoot is the way to go. I am a great gift giver, the dollar store has endless options for only $10. Also, I am political savvy for this upcoming election and clearly can make a knowledgeable assessment based on Celebrity Apprentice. So here are twenty things I will miss and gladly leave behind in my teens.
1. My Dreams to be on Sixteen and Pregnant are gone.
Look, beating teen pregnancy was hard especially since I have been single for the past twenty something years(consistency is key). #sorrymom
2. Prom.
You spend all day getting ready, you don’t eat lunch to avoid the
3. Needing your parents permission for everything.
You want to leave school? They have to call your Parents. You want to stay out? Curfew stands at 12:00. You want to breathe. “I’ll have to ask my mother.”
4. Your first year of college, meaning your first F on a test. #NeverForgotten
5. Your first heart break….
Trust me there are many more to come but nothing hurts more than the first one. Just talk with your mother, she gets it because she has been in that boat too. Also, stop eating carrot cake because that was his favorite flavor… it helps nobody.
6. Middle school grudges.
We all should agree middle school was just a bunch of awkward eleven year old girls and gangly boys who unfortunately were plagued with metal wired smiles, unibrows and glasses that were a brand by Disney.
7. Being a Minor.
I lost the ability to punch someone and not have to go to jail. I could have done so much (hello...streaking) but youth is wasted on the young.
8. Thinking you were fat.
Truthfully you were a twig with the metabolism of a pre-pubescent boy. Oh those good ole days filled with endless buns at Texas Road House (record is 9).
9. Coming back from college.
Realizing who you actually like out of your friend group. Painful but essential for growth because not everyone is meant to stay in your life (i.e. your "best friend" who slept with the guy you were dating).
10. A fast food job.
Never going back. Sayonara.
11. Having my parents make me food, do my laundry, clean the house, gas up my car and pay for basically everything. Something I miss all the time…every day.
12. Realize college and life is an adjustment for everyone.
It sucks, it’s awesome, and it is what you make of it. You are not alone in that everyone has nights where two men named Ben and Jerry are the only ones who get you. It is understandable, eat the ice cream.
13. Your awesome sense of style.
Middle school wearing a belt over your shirt, bangles, long earrings all along with your glasses and brace face was not the most fashion forward moment. It was a really tough time in my life okay?
14. The ACT and SAT.
You literally could not pay to make me take that test again. As well, I would like to admit here I was that girl who was kicked out of the ACT. My formal apology for filling out the remaining answers as C after time was called. #StillSalty.
15. Going to School from 7:30 to 3:00.
How the heck did I ever do that?
16. The mile.
That damn mile they made you run in middle school and high school. One kid can do it in four minutes, others in fourteen. Either way you were sweaty and disgusting the rest of the day for classes.
17. The crush on the athletic guy, popular guy, or student body president (Hi Parker).
18. The concept of being popular.
I will let this quote by my idol Mindy Kaling suffice:
“Teenage girls, please don’t worry about being super popular in high school, or being the best actress in high school, or the best athlete. Not only do people not care about any of that the second you graduate, but when you get older, if you reference your successes in high school too much, it actually makes you look kind of pitiful, like some babbling old Tennessee Williams character with nothing else going on in her current life. What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s so wonderfully fair.”
19. Leaving behind the “My parents are so lame” phase.
My parents are the coolest people I know. I would much rather tailgate with my dad, shop with my mother and take vacations with those awesome humans.
20) High School does not mean “We made it.”
You do realize your future is basically limitless except for anything requiring money, a college degree, a passport and the support of family and friends.
