1. So, you must be used to the heat?
Yeah, I prefer to be outside when it is 102 degrees, it’s really relaxing when I am covered in sweat and can’t breathe. We just use air conditioning…
2. How far are you from Miami?
Because this one time you went to Miami for spring break, so you can use that piece of information to pinpoint where I’m from?
3. Do you go to Disney, like, all the time?
You have probably gone to Disney more than I have…
4. Do you go to beach every day?
Ain’t nobody got time for that. As much as I would love to, the afternoon storms and the tourists (you) tend to get in the way of making that a reality.
5. Florida is not really southern, right?
Maybe not where you have vacationed, but the rebel flags in my high school parking lot would argue otherwise. So will the excessive amounts of sweet tea and grits- not that I’m complaining.
6. Oh, my grandparents live there!
I am sure they do. Please recommend that they retake their driver’s tests.
7. Wow, so hurricanes must be really scary.
When they hit, the answer is yes. The great thing about hurricanes is that we get a pretty big warning about their arrival, and then we stock up on snacks.
8. My friend lives in Florida!
9. Have you ever seen an alligator?
Yeah, I have. No, I would not attempt to “wrestle” one of those horrendous dinosaurs.
10. You are not that tan!
I’m sorry I failed you.
11. So global warming…
…Is definitely a thing.
12. Your state is so screwed up with elections.
Don’t hate on the individuality of my state.
13. Don’t you just want a white Christmas?
We have one every year! It’s called sand.
14. Do you get annoyed with tourists?
15. What are those bugs called that get all over your car on the interstate?
Lovebugs. The next time you say Florida doesn’t have comprehensive sex ed, please reflect on these creatures and the education many of us have gained from them.
16. Does everyone have a pool?
17. Spring Break must be so convenient!
It is, except for the fact that my plane ticket home skyrockets because you want to get wasted on the beach.
18. Are you a [insert random sports team here] fan?
We have a lot of sports.
19. Do you wear flipflops everywhere?
20. Have you heard of Florida Man?
Are you trying to embarrass me?