1. I need burritos to survive.

Sigh. If it were socially acceptable for me to eat burritos for every meal of the day, I would. And in San Diego, we even put french fries in them. Yes, FRENCH FRIES. And the bigger the better… you know you've scored the right burrito when it's the size of a human baby and takes two hands to eat it.

2. I don't understand seasons.

This is because California doesn't believe in seasons.

3. I get excited about avocados. Deal with it.

I eat them with everything because they're delicious and creamy and (obvi) because they're amazing for you. Any dish can benefit from the addition of avocados and/or guacamole. Case closed.

4. Rain is also a big deal.

WATER FALLING FROM THE SKY? What is this dark magic-type nonsense? And don't even get me STARTED on snow… that s**t freaks me out.

5. I have done a juice cleanse before…

…and it was AWESOME. You haven't lived until you've experienced the magical feeling of liquid fruits and vegetables coursing through your veins.

6. Organic > everything.

I don't care if those organic apples costs $5 more than the regular ones — I'm buying them. Plus, when it's organic, it tastes better. (At least, that's what I like to tell myself.)

7. In-N-Out Burger is better than any other burger joint you have "back home."

No, Whataburger is not better. If you try to argue with me about it, I may slap you.

8. Like, all of the best songs are written about us.

So, we're kind of a big deal. I mean, Katy Perry certainly thinks so.

9. I am a sushi professional.

No, a California Roll is not the authentic kind of sushi I am accustomed to, so don't try to make me eat those (or worse, the pre-made stuff from the grocery store).

10. I am equally snobbish about Mexican food.

If it has fake cheese on it, it's not authentic.

And why is it so hard to find a good Mexican food place these days, anyway? Don't judge me if I venture to the sketchy outskirts of your town just to find a hole-in-the-wall Taquería. If it looks like a sketchy restaurant where someone's abuela is hand-making tortillas in the back, I'm there.

11. Excuse me while I complain when the temperature isn't between 75-85 degrees.

If the weather isn't in that 10-degree window, it's either too hot or too cold and therefore I'm going to protest.

I'm pretty sure that Flip Flops are the California State Shoe anyways, so don't be surprised if I wear them with every outfit, 365 days of the year.

13. I'm like, an amazing driver.

THIS IS BECAUSE I DRIVE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE.

14. If I say dude, gnarly, hella, dank, bomb, clutch, or any another California slang word, please don't act like I'm speaking Gibberish when I say it.

Educate yourselves: http://reallifeglobal.com/california-slang-terms/

15. Don't call it "Cali." Please... just don't.

16. I am from the land of Trader Joes, Sprouts, and Costco.

If your state doesn't have these three establishments in it, then I want no part of it. I mean, where else am I supposed to get bulk wine for $6 a bottle?

17. Going home is the greatest thing in the world to me.

Because when I am home, I get to binge on fish tacos, horchata, local draft beers, Napa Valley wine, the San Diego Zoo, Disneyland trips, snow cones, festivals, and beach hangs with my dudes.

18. Beaches, man.

Call me a snob, but the beaches I'm used to have soft, white sand and salty blue waves.

19. Yes, I know how to surf. No, I haven't met any celebrities.

20. Please don't be offended if I ask, “Why do you live there?"

I'm only asking because I genuinely don't understand why anyone would want to live in Rhode Island. Or Connecticut. Or pretty much any other state that isn't California.