Lifeguard (noun): People, usually high school or college age, paid to tan, eavesdrop, people watch, babysit, clean up after people, oh and guard lives. Lifeguarding is a timeless summer job that so many have held and while there are countless pools across the country there are some simple truths we all know to be true.
1. Our first words were "No running"
"Walk please" and "No running" are the first words a lifeguard learns and once we say them once, we never stop. Kids NEVER listen to it. It's easier to tell them to run faster because they usually stop because they are confused.
2. Our best friend is the sun
Definitely one of the best parts of lifeguarding is getting paid to get really tan. By the end of the summer, girls have to pick a makeup a few shades darker and everyone has a few more freckles than they started the summer with. However, we also have horrendous tan lines (especially if you wear Chacos in the chair).
3. Our worst enemy is also the sun
There is the near fatal wound of a sunburn. While it will eventually fade into a darker tan or peel, it is agonizing to work in the sun for the days following.
4. If we had a dollar for every time a kid hit the dab on the diving board, we would not need a job
This summer the dance move of choice for kids to do in the air after jumping off the diving board has been the dab. The year before it was the whip. Every year there is something new they are attempting some new dance move, and we are stuck cringing in the chair watching them fail.
5. THUNDER
There is no sweeter sound than the sound of thunder. Enough said.
6. Satan sends that one kid that wants to swim in the rain so we have to watch him
Seriously kid? Why can't you just go home and play video games like everyone else.
7. There's that one kid that looks like they are drowning when they swim
The constant debate of whether to jump in or not.
8. Saying silent prayers when kids get super close to the board when they jump off
Praying you don't hear the sound of their skull on the diving board.
9. Somedays, we love kids
I mean, they can be pretty cute.
10. Other days we can't stand them
We aren't your mom, your babysitter, and definitely aren't paid enough to listen to you scream.
11. Love/Hate relationship with birthday parties
On one hand, it is a bunch of kids hyped up on sugar running around BUT sometimes the parents give us the leftover pizza and cake which makes birthday parties pretty ok.
12. Being an expert at figuring out how to snag long break
Spending the time in the chair figuring out when your long break is or how to trick a new guard into giving it to you.
13. Hating the guard that is always late at the chair
Seriously when it is time to rotate that is not when you decide to fill up your cup or go to the bathroom.
14. Constantly smelling like sweat, sunscreen and chlorine
Eau de guarde.
15. The excitement when you and your best friend are on break at the same time
16. Feeling like you're on Grey's Anatomy when you help put a Band Aid on someone
17. It isn't as glamorous as Baywatch makes it seem
Guard suits aren't that flattering.
18. Mouth-to-Mouth also isn't how movies make it out to be
Thinking about faking drowning so that cute guard kisses you? Good luck since we use a face mask.
19. When you have to pee and you are in the chair and no one will save you
Literally nothing worse than watching and listening to water when you have to pee.
20. At the end of the day, some of the best memories of summer came from lifeguarding
I met some of my best friends from lifeguarding at my pool. We have made some great memories together that I would not trade for the world or for a higher paying job. It is definitely something I will never forget about the summer.
