As I enter my 20s I'm realizing that the only thing I have control over is myself. I'm slowly realizing that it is OK not to be perfect. Not to be the prettiest, the best at something, the nicest person. I'm realizing that it is OK to be hurt, to show your feelings, even if people dismiss you. I am realizing that life takes many twists and turns, but somehow, someday I will end up where I need to be, with who I need to be with. This is the time to make mistakes, date the wrong people, and grow from it. Control what you can, and confront what you can't -- my new motto.
1. It's OK to love the wrong people.
Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. If you never give your heart to someone, you will never know what it feels like to have it torn apart. As hard as that is, it is a necessary part of growing up. It teaches you how to put yourself back together again.
2. It's OK to be selfish.
People always think that throwing yourself into everything you do (relationships, friendships, work, school) is selfless and amazing. True, it is nice to help out others and be a good friend/student/partner/employee -- but you're forgetting to care for yourself. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.
3. It's OK to say no.
It comes with learning how to be selfish with your time and your love. If you don't want to do something -- don't. Life is too short to be doing things that make you uncomfortable. Same goes for boys. They act entitled, but they aren't. You can say no to them, too (and you should a lot of the times).
4. It's OK to miss estranged friends.
As much as you try to pretend that you don't miss the friends that drifted or left you -- you do. And that's OK. It isn't bad if you want to read old texts, look at old pictures and cry about how much you miss them. You're only human.
5. It's OK to be sad.
Nobody expects you to be 100 percent happy all the time. When you're sad, let yourself be sad. Experience this intricate human emotion. Cry, call your mom, curl up in a ball. You will always feel better after. Emotions are temporary.
6. More people love you than you realize.
Sometimes it may feel like you're the only one in the world -- that nobody could ever love you. But, you're wrong. There are an infinite number of people who love you and would miss you very much if you were gone.
7. Just because a boy doesn't recognize your worth doesn't mean you don't have any.
Never, under any circumstances, let a boy determine your worth. You are so much more than one boy's opinion of you. If he can't see how special you are, chances are he doesn't deserve you. When a boy actually deserves you, he won't let you down.
8. Rid yourself of negative people and situations.
There will be people in your life who are out to hurt you because they are either jealous, insecure or hateful. Avoid them at all costs. They will strip you of your confidence and will make you walk on eggshells when around them. It is perfectly acceptable, and encouraged, to delete their numbers and focus on building strong positive relationships with people.
9. Don't rely on other people.
If you never expect anything, you will never be disappointed. My girl Sylvia Plath said that once. Do everything yourself. Your success will feel 100 times better if you are the one who got yourself there. Other people are unreliable, even when you are very trusting and accepting. The only person you can rely on is yourself.
10. Don't go looking for love in a frat basement.
10 out of 10 times, you will feel crappy about yourself after going home with a frat boy. You may catch the feels, while he is in bed with other girls every night. Save yourself the distress -- don't look for love in the frat basement. They are immature young boys who only care about sleeping with every girl on the planet right now. One day they will mature and look for a steady relationship -- now is not that time.
11. Learn to let go.
The more hung up you are on the little things, the more you're holding yourself back from being happy. Letting go is a hard, but necessary part of life. If you're still hung up on something someone did to you a while ago, you're living in the past. Let go -- learn to move on.
12. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take.
If you're scared of doing something you are holding yourself back. Taking risks is a big part of life. You never know what kind of amazing, exciting things are waiting for you when you allow yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Be bolder; experience life to the fullest.
13. Do what you love, and love what you do.
You can't be happy if you're constantly dreading going to school or work. If you decide you hate science as a junior in college, change your major! Nobody is stopping you but yourself. You have to want it. You have to put yourself out there and see what you do or don't like.
14. It's OK to want your mom.
Chances are, if you're feeling some type of way, your mom has been there before. She is the one woman who loves you unconditionally and will always be there for you when you need her. She gives the best advice (even if we don't always follow it) and the best hugs. Sometimes, you just need to hear your mom's voice.
15. This too shall pass.
No matter how much you feel like you'll never be happy, nobody will ever love you or you'll never be successful -- it'll pass. These episodes are simply that: just episodes. You have an entire life to feel all sorts of emotions. Just because you're having a rough time, doesn't mean you'll be having a rough time forever.
16. Be a true and constant friend.
Negative people are not worth your time or love. Friendship is a two way street. When a friend is constantly showing you love and affection, give it back to them. Make them feel appreciated and special, because they mean so much to you. Where would you be without the support of your best friends?
17. Say how you feel.
Our generation believes in playing games and twisting minds, but that isn't the way to communicate with others. If you love someone, they deserve to know and you should say it. Even though rejection may seem like the worst thing in the world, it is worth a try. Otherwise, you will be harboring feelings and one day you will explode from repression.
18. Stop texting boys who ignore you.
As much as it seems like a good idea at first, it isn't. You will just feel embarrassed and stupid when you send a long text and they don't respond. Some boys have brains the size of walnuts, and when they sense commitment or attachment, they have no idea what to do, so they choose to ignore it completely. Yes, it really does suck being ignored or rejected, so stop texting them. Move on, because they don't care much about anyone or anything.
19. Don't take life too seriously.
You will never be happy if you're constantly inspecting every decision you make. Life is short and is meant to be fun. Don't overload yourself with work. Make time for friends, open your heart, let yourself take risks. Be silly. Be weird. Be unexpected. I promise, there will be a time for seriousness and a time for silliness.
20. Love yourself.
As hard as it is not to overthink and over-analyze everything you do or say, stop. You are the only you there is. You are unique, special and loved. There are so many qualities about you that are attractive to others. People will like you, if you let them in. It's OK to be scared of opening up and embracing your confidence; just know that it is worth it. Once you love yourself, nobody can stop you.
