As I sit here writing with sticky fingers from consuming an entire bag of Pirate Booty, recovering from an unforgettable weekend (that most of us would probably love to forget), blasting Nicki Minaj’s Pinkprint album from 2014, I start to reflect on the year so far. A year that I, from the beginning, preached about how horrible it was going to be. Something deep in my bones truly believed it was going to be a year of difficulties, and disappointments. And I can’t deny that it hasn’t been something to that degree so far.

It’s a big year. The big 2-0.

She walks with confidence and a gigantic warm contagious smile that stretches from ear to ear. She radiates positivity and friendliness. She stands with her head up, and shoulders back like she’s mastered the art of balancing all her heaviest pressures on her shoulders. Her eyes sparkle with determination, and she’s fiercely passionate. Her hand shoots up when she knows the answer and conveys her ideas with boldness and intellect. She pushes her boundaries but knows her limits. She has a big heart with a limitless capacity for love and kindness. She is the girl who offers an effortless “hello” to strangers, and the perfectly expressed advice to her friends. She is immensely supportive, genuine, and honest. Her laugh conveys to the world her outpouring love for the people she’s with, and herself.

She’s the person that I aspire to be. I aspire to be someone that exudes warmth, and positivity. A woman that knows what she wants, and how to achieve it. I aim to follow my passions and allow my mind and my heart to guide me to each of my adventures.

Every single desirable trait may not be achievable in a seven-month span of time and that's because experience and habit are the roots of these developments. To be courageous, one must do courageous things. That’s why if you type in “20 things to do before you’re 20,” Google will spit out 289,000,000 results suggesting you go streaking, eat a food you can’t pronounce the name of, reach out to a stranger, stay up all night, study abroad, etc. because all of these things infuse you with a new experience. Each type of situations demands that you leap outside of your comfort zone (some possibly regrettable, but hey, we learn from our mistakes.) And regardless, now is the time to make all the mistakes in the world. To be slightly reckless.

I want the girl stumbling down the street with two tight grips on either arm to know that when she wakes up in the morning and feels terrible, that she is no less a human being than she was 24 hours prior. That a milkshake, toast, Gatorade, and some great friends are the cure to anything.

I want the girl forcing her delirious overworked mind after nine hours in the library to know that she has the strength and determination that she still thinks she lacks.

I want the girl who forces herself up out of bed after five alarms to know that she has so much to be grateful for.

I want the girl who stuffs a cheeseburger down her throat at 11:45 pm after forgetting to eat all day to know that she deserves every single one of those calories.

I want the girl who has no idea what she’s doing and feels like she is suffocating to know that the fact that she’s gotten herself this far is so incredible.

Before I’m 20 I want to admit to myself that life is messy, and I’m not the perfect balance of anything just yet. Before my teenage years come to end, I want to convince myself to breathe and take one day at a time. I want to look back at the beginning of this chapter and smile at all of the stupid wild things that had happened, and carry the wisdom and strength with me for my 20’s to handle the even crazier things to come. I want to be proud of the growth that had occurred from then to now. I want to be happy with the story that I’ve written so far, and empowered to continue writing each chapter that lies ahead.