ATTENTION: Interview season is upon us! Don't waste your time trying to deny it, the students walking around looking like head-to-toe penguins make this sad fact more than clear.
With pressure coming from every direction (listservs, career fairs, professors, parents, society, etc.), you reluctantly come to the verdict that you should begin your application process. Secretly hoping you won't get the interview, you try to throw together applications that are barely average to give yourself an excuse of why you aren't making that dreadful walk to the Bank of America Career Services Center.
However, all hope is lost when you get that sad notification that you have an interview scheduling request, and there is no turning back. You sign up for your preferred time, and now you know that you have to actually put in an effort because you've come too far to turn back.
The day rapidly approaches as your anxiety grows. You pick out that heinous suit that makes you look like you're legitimately a five-year old child trying on her mother's work clothes and you depart. Here are the 20 steps to the interview we all sadly experience as told by 30 Rock:
1. You start by getting dressed and although you thought this process would only take five minutes, you quickly realize that everything that can go wrong will go wrong.
2. Finally, your outfit is on your body... but looking in the mirror is confusing and causes an identity crisis.
3. As you accept your fate and realize that looking like a confused child is just going to have to do, you depart for the long (most likely walk) to your interview.
4. You arrive at the Bank of America Career Services Center and low and behold, it is sweltering.
5. As you go up the stairs to hell, the fiery flames that constantly blow from the vents continue to raise your temperature and anxiety levels.
6. Finally you swipe your ID and sit down in some random chair because the recruiters never direct you properly (if at all).
7. Now you await the dreadful moment when your host tells you that it is time to begin the interview that will determine your entire future.
8. If that isn't enough, you are forced to make uncomfortable small talk with a fellow student or even worse, another host.
9. After what feels like an eternity, it is time to face your demise as your host escorts you to an even hotter room smaller than the tiniest dorm in East.
10. You shake hands, well aware that yours is sweaty and the interviewer now knows it, and begin the dreaded 30-50 minute event.
11. They ask about your resume or the company and you are trying to answer, but the word vomit just seems to make every answer confusing and pointless.
12. Desperately trying to regain control of your babbling mouth, you start to get your footing a little...
13. Just as you start to feel a little more normal, they ask you if you have any questions for them:
14. So many thoughts run through your head until you have waited too long and are forced to pick a rehearsed one or some dumb question you don't actually need the answer to.
15. As they ramble on about whatever their heart desires, you pray they continue to talk so that you have time to come up with yet another question.
16. It's your turn again as you spitfire another question, hoping your time is running out so you can finally breathe.
17. If you're lucky, your questions were good enough so that your interview is over and you say your goodbyes with another sweaty handshake.
18. As you leave the room, you run through every moment of the interview again, desperately trying to forget all the nonsensical things you said.
19. Finally you make your way down the steps once again after running away from your greeter.
20. Now you make the call to your mom, when she will hopefully comfort you as you try to convince yourself that you don't need an internship and will just spend another summer scooping ice cream.
