1. You have a gazillion notebooks and they're all half full
There's a notebook in your desk drawers, empty dresser drawers, under the bed and mattress, in your purse, in the loose panel in the ceiling, and they're all filled with half finished ideas and the stories from your past. It's always fun to come across one you forgot about and read the story in it.
2. Although you have a gazillion notebooks, you can't stop yourself from buying another
Whenever you go shopping at any store you have to avoid the notebook isle at all costs because you know that if you wander there you will not leave without a new notebook. Then there are those stores that know about the writer's weakness and put the notebooks in the fancy stands just outside of the checkout lanes. Pure evil, pure genius; they are entirely irresistible.
3. You have a thousands of ideas floating around
Whether they are written on note cards, random scraps of paper, or on receipts or gum wrappers; there's always a story idea you came up with (at any given point in time) at your finger tips. Or in that pair of jeans you just washed. I've started to pin mine to a bulletin board, but even then I've found some ideas in a few pairs of my shoes.
4. Your Google Docs is riddled with random, unfinished stories from middle school days
And they are embarrassing, a good representation of how you've improved over the years, but utterly embarrassing. You can't believe that 7th grade you thought it would get published.
5. You only buy the best pens
Writer's gag at the sight of those Bic ballpoint pens that come in packages of 100 and drool at the sight of any fountain pen. It's too bad we can never afford anything more expensive than the Bic pens.
6. Your hands and arms are the best places to write story ideas and quotes
People ask all the time "what does that tattoo say on your wrist" and you have to explain to them why "Dog eating a Dorrito in Times Square" is scribbled onto your wrist in smudged ink.
7. Every book has highlighted quotes and dog eared pages
In some really good books it looks like you annotated for a school project, but in reality you find every other line genius.
8. You believe anything can be a metaphor
Whether it's bark growing on a tree or coffee stains on the inside of a used coffee mug, everything can be a metaphor for anything. You strongly believe that fact and you're willing to prove it to anyone who thinks you're wrong
9. No matter where you go, you always bring a book
You never know when you'll be able to read and you have to be prepared. Also, make sure you explain to you dinner date why you have a book or else they think you're prepared for a boring date.
10. The greatest illness you can have is writer's block
You might as well call in sick to school/work and lay in bed with a thermometer in your mouth, there's nothing worse than a bout of writer's block. It's worse than the Ebola outbreak of 2014.
11. It bothers you when people text with incorrect spelling, grammar, and punctuation
There's nothing less attractive than someone texting you with "U" and "R" instead of "you" and "are" and any other short cut in the English language. Also, punctuation is a thing. Use it. Periods are powerful. And don't use more than two exclamation points at a time!!
12. You swear by the names of your favorite authors
Scott Fitzgerald. JK Rowling. Charlotte Bronte. Shakespeare if you're really confident. John Green? If you really believe, you'll swear over the names of your favorite authors.
13. You live vicariously through your characters
Admit it, there's not much to your life. You probably spend upwards to seven hours a day locked in your room writing. But hey, you can go anywhere, do anything, see anyone, and be anyone through your writing. That's better than going outside and seeing real people. Yuck.
14. When you see a good quote or idea, you kick yourself for not coming up with it first
It's almost painful to walk through the "latest" section in Barnes and Nobel. All of those book ideas could have been yours. You swear you need to work harder, get ideas out there quicker, or else you'll never get your big break.
15. The greatest compliment someone can give you is their reaction to something you've written
The best thing in the world is watching your friends' react to something you've written. There's nothing more satisfying than a cringe, an eyebrow raise, or a giggle in the right part of a story. You know you've written it right.
16. You base all your characters off your friends and family members
This is my favorite thing to do. Pull all the quirks, awkward stories, and personalities from your friends and family and make characters from them. It makes your story all the more real.
17. You find a strange euphoria in killing off a beloved character
Yes, I know it's evil, but an author finds great satisfaction in killing off a character that they know their readers will miss. You know you'll make them mad and they might even throw your book across the room, but at least they will be hooked.
18. You write the best at 2 AM
There's no doubt about it. 2 AM is the best time to write and there's no science behind it. It just is.
19. The numbing dread of realizing that you won't make any money being a writer sets in here and again and it's just as bad as it was the last time
You might even start finding the bridge you want to live under because you know chances are you won't be able to live by your pen. Maybe marry rich?
20. You imagine what it would be like to have a high school teacher assign your book to their class
You imagine the collective groan of all the students when the teacher assigns your book, the notes and annotations they'll leave in their own copy, and the essay they will write at the end of it. You just hope they analyze it correctly.
