English majors are a different breed. Everything has a deeper meaning and nothing in this world is meant to be taken at face value. Just like the books we read, we are complex and deep. We are the tortured artists that don't paint. We tend to wear all black and brood in the corners of the local coffee shop. We accidentally call our grandma "grammar" because that's how serious we are. We are English majors and we are better than you. Fear us, because YOU'RE going to need us when you have to write a thesis for your job as an accountant. Are you one of us? This list may help you find out.
1. People often ask if you are stoned because you read into things so unnecessarily deep.
2. You have a shelf of books and at least 50% of them are ones you haven't read because you don't have the time.
3. When you do have the time to read, you can't. Your brain is like, "PLEASE GIVE ME A MINUTE."
4. You find yourself assigning literary characters to your friends.
5. You write your enemies into a story and kill them off as if they give a shit about it.
6. If you have to read The Great Gatsby one more time, you might lose it.
7. All of your friends beg you to proofread their papers.
8. You know there is no escape from that one friend who makes you read their fanfiction. (And you have to pretend you actually enjoy it.)
9. When someone uses "your" incorrectly, a part of you dies inside.
10. You gain new sympathy for your high school English teachers.
11. You're sick of hearing, "what are you going to do with that degree?"
12. And if you say teaching, they give you this look:
13. But if you say you want to be a writer, they give you this reaction:
14. You might have a dirty mouth and/or mind because literature has corrupted your way of thinking.
15. You know that any piece of "serious" literature will end terribly and cause you emotional turmoil for a week.
16. People often ask you what that "big word" you just said was.
17. Every gift you get is a journal or a book you probably already own.
18. Arguing with other English majors over who the best author is, normally ends with someone yelling.
19. When you make a grammar mistake, everyone makes a huge deal about it because you are supposed to be the master.
20. Books bring you joy, but they also make you cry because no one can read 200 pages per night out of four different books and be sane.
Obviously, we aren't crazy, suffering souls, but we sure do understand pain. Pain is your eyes burning from reading for four hours and your brain frying from trying to retain the information from four different books at once. Being an English major is a lot of work, but it's a lot of fun. Honestly, I don't think there is a major that's better. Pick up that book and get to work because we are this nation's backbone! I mean, what would everyone do without us to tell them that the book was better than the movie?
