In the beginning of the delightfully chilly month of February a chubby little animal emerged from hiding to predict our future. Yes everyone, it is 2015 with touch screen everything synced up with the iCloud and we still determine our weather by consulting a groundhog.
Regardless of the logic (or lack-thereof), that munchkin Punxsutawney Phil did indeed see his shadow this year, which means that we were granted the gift of six more weeks of winter… which means we aren’t quite in the clear yet. Here are a couple reasons why Phil was obviously mistaken and shouldn’t have seen his shadow:
1. Here in Columbus sunny days have been a rarity. I’ve seen my shadow twice in the past 6 months, how did Phil see it on that Monday?
2. Groundhog Day was on a Monday, there is no way that little guy rolled out of bed on a cold Monday morning and saw rainbows and sunshine. Taken from the wisdom of Garfield, those kinds of Mondays just aren’t possible.
3. The shadow spotting festivities occur before 8am on a Monday. Meteorological accuracy isn’t even an option before 8am and multiple cups of coffee.
4. Apparently Punxsutawney Phil has only “not seen his shadow” 17 times in history. It’s about time that record was changed.
5. Every year the poor groundhog gets hoisted high into the air. The poor fella can barely see the ground and most definitely cannot see his shadow.
6. I’m pretty sure thousands of people are willing to bribe the little animal celebrity into saying that he “sees nothing.”
7. How does the groundhog even communicate with us?
8. Do we have an accurate groundhog translator?
9. Phil was probably watching Netflix instead.
10. I bet Phil would rather be basking in the sunshine than slipping in the slush.
11. It is about time that Phil resist the peer pressure of having to see his shadow all the time.
12. The groundhog’s shadow is like Peter Pan’s shadow: it ran away to Neverland and was captured by Captain Hook.
13. I personally bribed the groundhog with ice cream and that works 99% of the time.
14. Punxsutawney Phil ran away with the gopher from Caddyshack and sources say they’re on a remote Caribbean island, unable to be reached for weather consult.
15. He just can’t even.
16. He was personally victimized by Bill Murray in the movie.
17. What if he can't see anything? Game changer.
18. He just wants to wear the new Sperrys he got for Christmas.
19. Phil saw an ugly cameraman who mistook the look of disgust as "seeing his shadow."
20. Because you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. AKA an early spring.
