While most of my good friends are frolicking on the beach or tailgating country concerts this summer I’ve spent the last month plugging away at summer classes here at a local community college. Now the benefits of doing so are well known, cheaper, easily accessible, frees up some credits for when you came back to your home college in the fall, but not to demean the great institution I’m studying at right now, but the workload and intensity just aren’t up there with Wooster. So to keep myself busy I’ve come up with some tactics to keep me sharp. If any of you all reading this ever find yourself in this situation then I encourage you to use them as well. Without further ado here are 20 power moves to pull during summer classes at a community college.
1. Show up either absurdly early or inappropriately late to class.
2. When showing up late charge in and take over the room with a story or excuse like Steve Carrell’s character in The Big Short.
3. Always leave class early to “Beat Traffic"
4. Smack any and all beverages out of the hands of high schoolers that are in your class to show them what the real world is like.
5. Sit by a high schooler and ask what year they are about to enter. No matter what they tell you to respond with “Yep, that’s when it all went downhill for me too.
6. Invite said high schoolers out to happy hour after class and make them designated driver.
7. Invite the professor’s too and always yell at them “I don’t want to see you with any empty drink tonight”
8. Always refer to your professors as Doctor. Even if they don’t have a Ph.D.
9. Engage everyone in class with mindless small talk…always refer to “The game last night”
10. Pitch startup ideas to the retired folks in your class. When they turn you down ask, “Why, your money isn’t going to do you any good when you are dead.”
11. Ask the older classmates what it was like in college “back in their day”
12. On test days always be clicking your pen loudly and frantically between questions.
13. Always haggle the price of your food at the food court.
14. Don’t wear protective goggles during a science lab because “God intended for us to see the world without any filter.”
15. Always make a loud disagreeable noise to known science facts and claim “The science just isn’t out on that theory yet.”
16. Always refer to an article you read in “The Journal” to back up any claim.
17. Wear gear from your high school days in the gym and refer to the year “Y'all should have won States.”
18. If you are Greek constantly wear your letters and say you are looking into starting a chapter down here.
19. Constantly proclaim you are “Top House” Bonus points if you don’t even have a house and have to refer to it as “Top Section”
20. Fail out and have to take more classes in the fall. Qualify it as saying “I just love the atmosphere of learning here.”
Disclaimer: These will all get you expelled or arrested.