Life as a middle-upper class American college student can be a struggle sometimes, and our daily inconveniences pile up to make life borderline intolerable. Although no charity organization has been established to help these poor millennials in states of mild discomfort, this list will pay tribute to the plight of the privileged.
1. When the person your text messaging doesn’t have an iPhone, so all the messages send as SMSs instead of iMessages.
You might as well send a carrier pigeon because no one in his or her right mind would trust a message that doesn’t tell you when it gets delivered and read.
2. When the Starbuck barista gives you one pump of caramel instead of two.
I can’t drink this; it still tastes a little like coffee. It’s like this bitch is trying to ruin my day.
3. When the weather is an awkward 55°F and you don’t know what to wear.
If I wear my Patagonia fleece, I might start sweating, but if I don’t, it might be a little chilly. Damn it, weather. Why you gotta be so fine?
4. When your Netflix stops itself to check if you're alive because you haven’t touched the computer in 30 minutes.
Just let me chill, Nextflix.
5. When your parents get you an iPad for your birthday and you have no idea what to do with it.
It’s too small to be a computer and too big to be a phone. I guess I can just use it as a $600 flashlight in my dorm room.
6. When you get the large iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, but they only have short straws.
How do they expect you to finish your vat of caffeine-water when the straw doesn’t even make it to the bottom of the birdbath cup?
7. When your wallet is too small.
I can’t fit all my credit cards, cash, and store membership cards at the same time. There are choices ahead.
8. When your house has more TVs than people in it.
What will we do with them all?
9. When you don’t eat the pomegranate in your fridge because it’s impossible to get all the seeds out.
Even a $5 piece of fruit isn’t worth this struggle.
10. When you fall asleep on the massage table and miss the last 20 minutes.
I’m only paying for the time I was awake.
11. When you eat too much Chipotle for lunch and aren’t hungry for dinner.
The only possible reason to regret double steak.
12. When your friend’s town doesn’t have a Snapchat geotag.
Is this place even civilization?
13. When your new Hunter rain boots give you a blister.
For the amount I’m paying, they better come pre-broken in.
14. When you get a scooter for Christmas instead of a hoverboard because Mom thinks they’re too dangerous.
But Mom, how can I look like a lazy douche without one?
15. When you have to take down an Instagram post because it didn’t get enough likes.
How can anyone ever take you seriously if they see you have a post with only 14 likes?
16. When you loose too much weight and now none of your pants fit.
No one ever told you about all the down sides of getting healthy.
17. When the guy at Panera carelessly gives you a tiny piece of free bread.
How could a good God allow this to happen?
18. When you’re fast-forwarding through the commercials of your DVR’ed show and accidentally skip past the first few seconds of the show.
That awkward rewind is just dehumanizing.
19. When you’re in a packed elevator and some idiot presses the button to go one floor up.
Walk, lardo. This elevator is for people who deserve it.
20. When the restaurant won’t serve you tap water so you have to by Fiji water instead.
Then what are they making the ice cubes out of...?
