Beautiful fall foliage, crisp cool air and you're stuck inside studying for midterms, writing papers and finalizing presentations. Yay college, right? I know it can be depressing and absolutely draining to study for exam after exam after exam, so here are some funny Ellen quotes to help get you through midterms. Because what can't Ellen fix?
1. "I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't drink coffee."
2. "Some people get picked on because they're too good looking. I know that."
3. "I don't need a thinner phone, you know what I need? I need a tortilla chip that can support the weight of my guacamole."
4. "Look at me, I'm delicious."
5."What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet."
6. "Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer."
7. "People are texting LOL when they're not actually laughing out loud. I have one thing to say to those people: WTF."
8. "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell she is."
9. "I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
10. "People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no I was an accountant."
11."Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car that they drive?"
12."What did the duck say when she bought lipstick at the department store? Put it on my bill."
13. "I don't like to label people...The only thing I label is my lunch in the refrigerator here at work. I write 'lesbian' on it, so everyone knows it's mine!"
14. "I don't need cheek cream, my cheeks are in great shape by the way, all four of them."
15. "When you take off your socks at the end of the day, not only are they exhausted - they're 'defeeted!'"
16. "Every day before I walk out here I have to remind myself to just turn down the sexy."
17. "If the temperature is less than my age, I don't get out of bed."
18. "Human beings only use ten percent of their brains. Ten percent! Can you imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other sixty percent?"
19. "Literally after they mate, The Black Widow immediately eats her ex. At least Taylor Swift just writes a song about you."
20. "What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A palm tree."
