The race for the new President of the United States is on. With our choices limited to Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton I have found myself in quite the pickle. I don't want either of them. No, I’m not trying to be unpatriotic. And yes I have found some candidates from earlier in the race that I liked. But I, like many others, have found myself in complete agony with answering the question of who I will be voting for. After weighing the pros and cons I find both unfit for the job of President.
So here I sit, sifting through the qualities and downfalls of two people that I cannot stand. What's a girl to do?
Well, here are 29 things I'd rather do than vote for either of them in this year's election.
1. Go sky diving without a parachute
2. Go sky diving at all
3. Live in a world with no wi-fi
4. Kiss a warty frog, that doesn’t turn into a handsome Prince
5. Get a parking ticket, get three parking tickets, and then get my car booted from having so many parking tickets
6. Live in a world without air conditioning
7. Never have eyebrows on fleek
8. Bathe in a pool of snakes
9. Text you back
10. Get a perm (again)
11. Listen to my voicemail box
12. Move to a Zika virus ridden country
13. Sit in front of someone smacking their gum
14. Live in a world without Beyonce
15. Date Chad from this season of the Bachelorette
16. Answer an unknown number
17. Take 20 credits every semester for four years
18. Send an embarrassing text to the wrong person
19. Run into my ex while hungover, makeup-less, and in last night’s clothes
20. Live in a world without Taco Bell
21. Do a juice cleanse
22. Always have my contour be unblended
23. Have straight across bangs for the rest of my life
24. Never take a good selfie
25. Bob for apples in a toilet
26. Work all day without a lunch break
27. Clog the toilet at my crush’s house
28. Never have more than $5 in my bank account
29. Literally anything
Though these may not seem like the most fun things to do, I expect these next four years will not be a cake-walk themselves. Although it has been drilled into us that voting is our patriotic duty, when faced with these options I believe it is better to not vote for either of these odious candidates. I, myself, would not like to be held responsible for the outcome of the next 4 years. I hope to be surprised and delighted by the hope of somehow our Senate and House of Representatives will use their checks and balances wisely.
Sadly, it looks like the 2020 election may not be much better, but who knows, maybe Kanye West really will “make America great again.” Try ti picture Kim Kardashian as the first lady, picking out China patterns. If it’s anything like her gift wrapping paper, you know, the one with the emojis of her rear end, then we're in for quite a wild few years.
So, when asked, "Who will you be voting for this year?" you now have some crafty new one liners telling them what you'd rather be doing.
