There is nothing more gloriously fleeting than a weekend. You can give yourself a little time to breathe, and maybe catch up on work so the week ahead isn't too stressful. Maybe you'll fill out some job applications, study for the GRE, research graduate programs, or clean your fridge. You make all of these grand plans to use your time to be a responsible adult, and then…nothing. It happens to the best of us, so here's a list of the 188 things that might happen when you fail at being an adult on the weekend.
1. Wake up, Saturday, 9 a.m.
2. Decide to be productive
3. Try to get out of bed
4. Stare at the ceiling
5. Contemplate the future
6. Panic about the future
7. Stop contemplating the future
8. Think about the past
9. Remember that horribly humiliating thing from eighth grade
10. Stop thinking about the past
11. Name your future dogs
12. Name your future cats
13. Think about breakfast
14. Realize you’re too lazy to eat breakfast
15. Think about lunch
16. Plan your nap of the day
17. Remember the Internet exists
18. Check your Facebook
19. Count your friends' mistakes from the night before
20. Log out of Facebook
21. Check your email
22. Check your Twitter
23. Wonder why you have a Twitter
24. Check Instagram
25. Go on Pinterest
26. Look at recipes
27. Look at tiny zoo-themed cupcakes
28. Think about making tiny zoo-themed cupcakes
29. Wonder where you went wrong in life that you have these thoughts
30. Look at outfits
31. Realize your sweatpants are just fine
32. Look at hair pins
33. Laugh at the possibility
34. Lose an hour looking at cat pictures
35. Remember YouTube exists
36. Watch soldiers returning home videos
37. Cry
38. Watch surprise proposal videos
39. Cringe at the idea of a flash mob being involved in someone’s’ proposal
40. Watch people being surprised with puppies
41. Find nail tutorials
42. Wonder why you need tiny flowers on your pinky
43. Decide to try a watercolor nail
44. Gather motivation
45. Get out of bed
46. Find your nail polish collection
47. Find an old bowl
48. Wonder when the last time the bowl was washed
49. Ignore that
50. Fill bowl with nail stuff
51. Fail miserably at watercolor nail art
52. Notice your dog watching you intently
53. Wonder if dogs like manicures
54. Clean up from trying to give the dog a manicure
55. Remember that you need to organize your bathroom cabinets
56. Empty cabinet
57. Wonder why you own three curling irons
58. Try to remember when the last time you curled your hair was
59. Is that a hair crimper?
60. Why did you own a hair crimper?
61. Why do you still own a hair crimper?
62. Consider throwing it away
63. Put it back in the cupboard anyway
64. Consider getting bangs
65. Look up pictures of Zoey Deschanel
66. Wonder if you can pull off her hairstyle
67. Decide probably not
68. Do an at-home face mask
69. Realize you're out of everything you need for that
70. Think about going to the store
71. Decide not to
72. Remember Netflix
73. Finish the last episode of "Skins"
74. Realize you watch the television shows of angry 14-year-olds
75. Scan through Netflix
76. See "Malcolm in the Middle"
77. Remember sneaking to watch that show when you were a kid
78. Click first episode
79. Decide it’s a dumb show
80. Watch seven more episodes
81. Cuddle with the dog
82. Remember food exists
83. Resort back to Pinterest
84. Lose a lot of time
85. Decide to make an elaborate pizza recipe
86. Give up and order pizza instead
87. Eat too much pizza
88. Do three sit-ups
89. Decide that makes up for it
90. Plan Monday’s outfit
91. Realize you have no clean clothes
92. Separate your laundry
93. Realize you have 12 piles
94. Reconsider
95. Grab only the essentials and throw them in the washer
96. Decide to go for a walk
97. Realize you should shower and put something other than pajamas on
98. Motivate for 20 minutes to get in the shower
99. Motivate for another 20 minutes to get out of the shower
100. Decide on yoga pants
101. Spend five minutes deciding which yoga pants
102. Pick a T-shirt
103. Change your mind
104. Put on jeans
105. Laugh
106. Put on yoga pants again
107. Find a giant sweatshirt
108. Find the dog leash
109. Realize it’s raining
110. Decide to do homework
111. Find laptop
112. Try to find assignment
113. Find a list of the 100 best Christmas decorated homes
114. Read the whole thing
115. Get inspired
116. Get sentimental over the holidays
117. Realize it’s only October
118. Still give your best attempt at making a giant ornament garland
119. Give up
120. Think about Halloween
121. Mentally list every Halloween costume from childhood
122. Forget third-fifth grade
123. Call your mom to ask
124. Hang up when she asks what you’ve done today
125. Wonder if you should go shopping
126. Realize your style is a little blah
127. Realize you don’t want to go in public
128. Go online shopping
129. Find the perfect outfit
130. See that it’s on sale
131. See that if you spend $20 more, the shipping is free
132. Rationalize that you need free shipping
133. Add more to the cart
134. Realize shipping was only going to be $7, anyway
135. Accept that you got tricked
136. Reach for your debit card
137. Remember that you’ve been avoiding checking your bank account
138. Think about checking account
139. Decide not to ruin your day
140. Don’t check account
141. Hear your phone go off
142. Remember you have friends
143. Make plans
144. Look in mirror
145. Realize what you look like
146. Push plans back an hour
147. Try more outfits
148. Settle on a skirt
149. Realize you didn’t shave your legs
150. Flip a table
151. Put yoga pants back on
152. Find a less giant sweatshirt
153. Meet your friends
154. Hang out
155. Lose time
156. Realize it's 1 a.m.
157. Remember you have a paper due Monday
158. Realize it’s a big, important paper
159. Go home
160. Change into pajamas
161. Realize your pajama look like the outfit you just changed out of
162. Decide not to care
163. Wash your face
164. Examine your eyebrows
165. Remember it's time to go to sleep
166. Brush your teeth
167. Crawl in bed
168. Close your eyes
169. Get back up
170. Grab the tweezers
171. Sit in front of the mirror
172. Pluck your eyebrows
173. Decide you feel better about life now
174. Get back in bed
175. Reach for your phone
176. Scroll through Pinterest
177. Realize it’s now 2:30 a.m.
178. Cuddle with the dog
179. Try to go to sleep
180. Fail at sleep
181. Fail at sleep
182. Four a.m.
183. Decide to start homework if you can’t sleep
184. Open textbook
185. Fall asleep
186. Sleep through alarm
187. Wake up at noon
188. Procrastinate your paper
