I’ve noticed that every time my birthday comes around, I tend to reflect much more on what I’ve learned in the past year and just in general (more so than usual). With my 19th birthday that passed a little over a month ago, I decided to write down the things I had learned in the previous year.

1. You don’t know everything.

You may think you know what certain things feel like and you may feel like you have it all figured out—but you don’t. And that is perfectly ok. Be open to the possibility you may be wrong and use it as a chance to expand your knowledge or your empathy.

2. You’re going to hurt people along the way.

Whether you like it or not, you’re going to cause people pain, but that’s just life. Be mindful of your actions and how you make people feel but also don’t be so hard on yourself. Sometimes even the best people hurt others in order to put themselves first. Being selfish isn’t a bad thing (sometimes).

3. People are going to hurt you along the way.

Like I said above, you’re also going to be on the receiving end of the hurt. Be angry, feel that pain, feel the sadness but then move on. Because it's just a part of life. Do what you need to do to move on from it and understand that people make mistakes.

4. Another person will not complete you.

You make yourself whole. Another person can’t bring the sense of ‘completion’ into your life. That’s not healthy and that just shows that you can’t be the person you’re meant to be. We’re constantly brainwashed into this idea of the ‘perfect love’ that comes along and saves us when most of the time we don’t need saving. Grow into yourself and enjoy your own company before worrying about another person.

5. Everyone gossips, get over it.

It’s not that deep. You talk about people and people will talk about you. Don’t let it get to heart. We say things we don’t mean all the time, but stay straight about the people closest to you.

6. Sometimes no reaction is the best reaction.

I’ve learned this the hard way, but not every situation needs a reaction. Sometimes the best response it to just continue doing what you’re doing and not letting people’s actions bother your energy.

7. Karma is too real.

What you put into the universe is exactly what it will reward/punish you with. You intentionally mess with people, you’re going to get that right back. If you put out love, you’re going to receive love.

8. No one ‘owes’ you anything, but decent people give explanations.

You aren’t entitled to anything. Explanations, Time, kindness or whatever. This is the hardest pill to swallow but it’s true. Sometimes we don’t get the closure we want, so just make your own and be along your way. But the good people will explain their actions especially if they hurt you.

9. Things end, you have to move on.

Relationships, jobs, college, friendships all come to an end. It sucks and it’s the WORST sometimes but it all works out in the end. But most of the time, we make it harder on ourselves by not accepting the end.

10. You’re only going to be okay if you want to be okay:

If you’re comfortable in your sadness or whatever other emotion you have, you’re never going to be happy. In order to get better, you need to WANT to get happy. The only person who can bring that out in you is yourself.

11. People’s aura/energy never lie.

I WISH I KNEW THIS OMG — always trust your gut. It’s great to see the good in people, but WALK AWAY once you get burned by their flaws instead of hoping for the good in them to shine through.

12. Don’t look to others for validation.

What truly matters is how you see yourself. If you live for other people and their opinions, you are constantly going to be disappointed.

13. Cutting people off is sometimes a great decision.

As painful as it is, cutting people off is less painful than going through the shit they put you through. It’s a great way to detox from the negative things in your life.

14. There’s nothing more important than your inner peace, protect it.

You feel so much calmer and put together and confident when you find your peace. So do whatever you can to keep it that way.

15. Strength isn’t determined by how much hurt you can handle.

GIRLS ESPECIALLY LISTEN UP: YOUR STRENGTH ISN’T DETERMINED BY HOW MUCH YOU CAN PUT UP WITH!!! Strength is walking away when all you want to do is stay because you love yourself more than the pain that you're being put through.

16. Time heals everything.

...like literally this is the cure for everything. Time works magic. Let it do its thing.

17. You’re allowed to change!!!

You don’t have to be the person you were a week ago or even a few days ago. You’re allowed to change because different experiences will change our attitudes and perceptions.

18. There’s a difference between fighting for someone to love you and fighting for someone who loves you.

If you have to work to keep someone in your life and they constantly show you that they don’t want to be there, then let go of them. The people who are meant to be in your life will always remain there. And if someone ever leaves, they will be replaced by someone much better, just give it time.

These lessons took me a long time to learn because we all learn at our own pace and through our own experiences. Just take this with a grain of salt — and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right away.