My birthday is coming up very soon—August 31st!—and it’s one that tends to be counted as a milestone. Yes, two days before driving cross-country to New York for college, I’ll be turning eighteen. It won’t be a grand celebration, and I don’t really want it to be. Regardless, since I’ll be leaving home soon, I started to reflect on life as I’ve known it so far. The past years have been filled with learning and growing, as with anyone, and I’ve changed quite a bit. As I was thinking about this, I realized that so, so many of the lessons I’ve gone through have such great universality to them. Therefore, I wanted to share them with anyone who might need them: without further ado, these are eighteen important things I’ve learned in my eighteen years.
18) Girl, just eat the freaking pizza.
Now, this doesn’t apply to every time you want junk food, but honestly? A few slices of pizza or bingeing on fro-yo once in your life isn’t going to hurt you. So often with snack foods, I’d feel immediately guilty afterward for having consumed whatever I had—I said I wouldn’t eat anything else after dinner, or I need to lose weight; why did I do that?—and that carries over into other things. This philosophy doesn’t just pertain to food. In my life, I tend to feel guilt for things that I shouldn’t, whether that be having said something slightly awkward or refusing to show someone my homework so that they could copy it. It’s absolutely ridiculous; nobody should be scrutinizing every little thing they do like that. I’m still struggling with it, but starting to learn. So, eat that pizza already. Treat yourself. I’m sure it tastes delicious.
17) Have fun every once in a while. 
I am a huge perfectionist. Therefore, I place a lot of pressure on myself to do far better than good in everything I do, whether that be schoolwork or my art. Making art is fun—that’s why I plan to do it for the rest of my life—but I can forget that in the mess of stress to achieve perfection. I’m not the only one who does this, either: so many people put far too much pressure on themselves to achieve the only thing that’s impossible in this world. Perfection isn’t available to us flawed humans, and that’s okay. I’ve learned that I need to let myself escape from whatever I’m working on for awhile; I’ve learned that, after all is said and done, I deserve to have fun. We all do. Whether it’s watching Netflix, going to the state fair with friends, or tossing a Frisbee with your dog, fun is crucial and justified. Make sure you get some.
16) Insane metaphors can be incredibly helpful.
Okay, this one is a little weird and specific, I’ll admit. Maybe it’s just me. However, I’ve learned from my years of voice training that metaphorical thinking can be helpful. Yeah, again, I know: it’s an unapologetically strange thing. Think about it, though. Essentially, metaphors are visualizing what you want to happen in your life. If you practice breathing by pretending there’s a balloon in your diaphragm, wonderful! It will make you a more relaxed person when you breathe correctly. If you live as if guided by Eleanor Roosevelt, fabulous! She was a great person, so I’m sure you are, too. There’s nothing wrong with visualization. Whatever you want to apply to your life, I’ve found that it can helpful, inspirational, even. Just try it, even for a day; you’d be surprised the wonders it can work.
15) An open mind is so much stronger than a faux smile.
This one should be a no-brainer, but, somehow, it never is. I’ve been lucky enough to have been raised by parents who taught me to respect and look for the best in everyone; I’ve been fortunate enough to be a part of a community that listens to one another and appreciates the rich life a diverse array of people can bring. I’ve always been open-minded because of this. Despite being a bit of a stereotypical introvert, I’ve always loved being friends with people who are different from me. Throughout my life, I’ve learned how beneficial that can be. Instead of pasting on a fake smile as some do—being nice to people through gritted teeth—or even going so far as to refuse to interact with some, respect and love for everyone makes life so much better. An open mind automatically makes others trust you, like you, and respect you. Personally, it enriches your life so much more than staying in a bubble; you’re kinder, happier, and more intelligent and aware. Therefore, respect people. Listening makes a conversation and a relationship so much better. Open your mind to new possibilities, and it will make your life. Really.
14) Outside of your comfort zone is where the most good happens. 
Now, this one is literally terrifying. I know. And let me tell you that I am a very nervous individual—I’ll never deny that—but I’ve learned techniques in order to control and brave it. Because of that, this lesson is one that I’ve learned in the most recent years. Your comfort zone is safe, and cozy, and loving, yes. It’s a great place to chill out in, to relax in. However, the times when you grow the most, when you have the best experiences, the most fun, and gain the most, is when you step outside of that sphere. Being uncomfortable isn’t an inherently bad thing; it encourages you to push through it. I’ve found my best experiences in traveling, in performing for an intimidating master class, in talking to people who don’t speak the same language I do, and in trying out new activities that I never thought I’d enjoy. I learned the most from those. I gained the best friends, and the best of memories. And I’ll be doing it again when I go 1300 miles away from my normal for school. So, I know it seems scary—it will never lose that edge—but stepping outside of your comfort zone is worth it. I promise.
13) Your mind can be both your best friend and your worst enemy.
It’s completely up to you for how you control it. The mind is a crazy, difficult thing to manage. Everyone struggles with something mentally, some worse than others. If you can instill in yourself that statement above, though, you’ll get through it. I’ve learned that, even in the darkest of times, there’s still light. If your brain is cracking down on you, know that it will be okay in the end, even if it isn’t now. After I embraced that, it became a lot easier to go through rough periods. It will be okay, even if your mind is telling you it won’t be.
12) Bravery comes when you’re utterly petrified.
This is something that I just concluded about a month ago. I kid you not, I just now realized this. So often, we think of bravery as the absence of fear. It’s not. It’s going through something even when you’re terrified of it. It’s letting yourself grab onto fear and saying, “Hey, I know you’re here, but I’m doing this anyway.” That’s what bravery is. That’s what courage is. It’s knowing you’re terrified, but being triumphant anyway. When you are scared out of your wits, as long as you are prepared, then you’re clearly doing the right thing. Remember that. It’s important.
11) Small steps are just as important as large strides. 
Pushing yourself is completely fine, but straining? Never. There’s no need to feel like you must be making leaps and bounds in whatever you’re doing. Regardless of what it is (health, career, personal growth, getting over a toxic relationship), every progression should be celebrated. A step forward is a step forward, no matter how small. Getting better at something or recovering from a fall isn’t easy, and never will be. Whenever you feel better is a triumph, I’ve learned. Bask in that. Then keep going. Don’t compare your journey with anyone else’s: another over there may be hiking their way up a trail while you’re pick-axeing a mountain. Both are valid. No one journey is alike. Your improvements are just as impressive as theirs, in a different way. Whatever you do, keep moving forward. I’ve learned that that is the best way to get through life; even if I still struggle with it, after acknowledging that smaller moves were significant, I became happier. You will, too.
10) The people you need the most will show up when you least expect it.
In my experiences, I’ve learned that it takes some crises to figure out who really cares about you. Time and time again, those who have supported me have mostly been the ones that I didn’t expect, and I am so, so grateful for them. People whom I didn’t foresee being my best friends are now some of the most important people in my life. I think this is vastly important to recognize; it makes you realize that you are truly never alone in anything. When you need someone, they will show up. It’s been a proven fact. Therefore, never give up. There’s someone out there who believes in you and who will make you feel better on a daily basis, like there has been for me. You just may not know who it is yet.
9) Your friends can mean the world.
Another “no duh” one, but I wanted to include it. In the past few months, I’ve come to realize exactly how grateful I am for the friends that I have. They’re an extension of my family, my support group, my kids (as I’m totally the mother of the group—that’s me!), and the crazies who drag me out of my house to be social…or stay in and be antisocial with me. Throughout the past year, I’ve had the chaos of college applications and auditions, scholarship essays, AP testing, the lasts of high school, and drama occurring in my personal life. It was insanity. Through it all, these people kept me as calm as possible, made me laugh, and simply listened. They were the ones I could trust would be up at midnight, and we could de-stress one another. They were the ones who you could call up last minute and they’d meet you downtown for some fresh air and venting. Simply put, they were a big part of getting me through it. Never take your friends for granted. Always be grateful.
8) Spend time with your family.
This has become especially important as I’m gearing up to leave. Family, especially immediate family, is something that way too many people take for granted. I know I did. Even though I did spend time with them, it wasn’t as much as I should have. Now, as I visualize leaving them in two weeks, I know how precious time with your loved ones is. My parents, my brother and sister, my grandparents, and, of course, my dog are the only people who know me like the back of their hand: they know how to cheer me up, how to get on my nerves, and how to deal with me. I’m sure it’s the same for all of you, too. Whoever you count as your family are the only people who are familiar with and love every aspect of you. When you leave home, you leave that behind, even if it follows you over the phone or in letters. Make sure you take advantage of the times you have together. I know I will.
7) Own your independence.
I know, I know: this seems super contradictory to the last two. But it’s important. Being comfortable on your own is so, so important. Make sure that spending time by yourself isn’t uncomfortable, that you can take care of yourself and love your own private world. Being the person I am, I’ve learned that my independence isn’t a bad thing; in fact, it’s super helpful sometimes. Being human is such a balance between that and dependence on others. Therefore, while you love and cherish your friends and family, make sure you trust yourself. You may run into occasions when that’s all you have.
6) Saying “no” is okay.
Like I’ve said, I’m an outspoken lover of humans (even when they irritate me), I’m a nervous person, I’m a perfectionist, and I tend to feel guilt over stupid things. That all leads to one thing: I hate saying no to anyone. It’s been a real issue. I struggle refusing people when they ask me to do things. That project you want help on? Sure, even if I’m at rehearsal ‘til 11 pm! Coming out with you to an early movie on Saturday? I’m super sleep deprived, but yes! The list goes on and on. I’m starting to figure out that saying “no” isn’t selfish or rude. Saying “no” is looking after your self-interest, being kind to yourself and, in essence, to the other person. You shouldn’t feel guilty when you occasionally refuse something: it’s good, it’s healthy, and it’s human. You have to take care of you first. You have to.
5) Forgive, even if you can’t forget. 
This one was instilled in me a ridiculous amount of times during high school, and I think it’s one of the most important ones I’ve learned. The saying “forgive and forget” is, honestly, dumb. Its intentions are great, but the outcome really isn’t. There are very few things in life you want to forget: the good and the bad combine to create some sort of beautiful, triumphant life. Forgetting is not always an option; it should never be the go-to. Forgiveness, on the other hand, needs to happen. In order to be healthy, happy, and (I know: it’s cliché, but it’s so, so true) at peace, you need to forgive yourself and others. Be kind and generous, or just simply move on. If not, you’ll look back with anger and bitterness, and no one wants to live a life like that. Find some way to forgive whatever you or others did. I’ve learned to be able to do that. Though I haven’t forgotten the wrongs that have happened in my life, I’ve forgiven it, and I find myself to be a much calmer person because of it. You can’t undo the past. Move on. Your life will be good because of it.
4) Do more of what makes you happy. 
An age-old sentiment, of course. It never becomes any less true. We decide what makes us happy, and we decide if we chase after it. Ultimately, happiness should be your main goal in life; doing what you love is the biggest step towards that. As so many people have said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” How can I argue? More importantly, how can I phrase it any better?
3) Dreams absolutely can come true. 
I’ve always been a daydreamer, a hopeless romantic, always aiming for the stars. It wasn’t until this past year, though, that I realized that dreams definitely can come true. It’s no Cinderella story, the way it happens; there’s not usually glimmering magic wands or an easy flick of the wrist to reveal what you’ve always wanted. However, if you’re determined, passionate, resilient, and open, your dreams can become your reality. Wishing on stars, combined with your own hard work, can make what you want to happen, happen. I’m going to my number one choice school and chasing after dreams that suddenly seem more attainable than before. After dedication to my work, my art, and the other loves of my life, one of my dreams came true. That assures me that, with more hard work, time, and being a good person, the others will follow. Dreams absolutely can come true: doesn’t that give you hope?
2) Love yourself.
Okay, in all seriousness, this is arguably both a combination of everything and the most important on the list. When it comes down to it, the only person you can count on 100% of the time is yourself. You will always have yourself. Therefore, it’s important that you love and treat yourself. Know that your flaws make you the beautiful, amazing human being that you are. Improve your mind, take care of your body, give yourself a break every now and then: you deserve all of that. You deserve to love yourself. It’s taken me such a long time to realize that; I wish I could have done it sooner. Believe you me, it’s an ongoing struggle. For a lot of people, it may always be that. I know that I’ll never be perfect, but I also know that that’s okay. Even on the days when it’s difficult for me to accept that, I still know it. That gives a person so much power, when they realize how worth it they are. Please, do that. Because you’re worth it. Because I’m worth it. Take care of yourself, and love yourself.
1) Just. Breathe. 
For me, personally, this is the most important, omnipresent lesson I’ve come to learn. Breathing is significant, both literally and metaphorically. I have grappled with this my entire life, trying not to let stress, mortification, or other issues get to me. Life can be suffocative, sometimes, I know. Even when there is hope and optimism, it can get a chokehold on you. In those moments, it’s difficult to remember to breathe. Learning how to control that has been the biggest asset in my life. It’s taken years of work, and it’s still hard, but I always remind myself: nothing is forever. Inhale. Exhale. Don’t let anything get the better of you; you can do this. Nothing is insurmountable; nothing is eternal. Remember that, and remember to breathe.
