Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story. When you go away to college, you gain a lot of things: independence, freedom and inevitably, a roommate. For some people, that last part is a death sentence. You may get a roommate who has a phobia of showering, or steals your ramen in the dark of the night. However, a lucky few achieve what is known as the "roomie goals" stage. Contrary to popular belief, any two (or three) people can become roomie goals, as long as the timeline follows the playbook listed below:
1. The "I want you to like me so I'll apologize for each of my actions" stage.
2. The "Grabbing food counts as bonding, right?" stage.
3. The "Oh my God she left me to hang out with other people, she must hate me." stage.
This is a tough point to reach. You'll really, really want to befriend your roommate, however, all hope may seem lost when they leave you to hang out with a group of random kids they're "friends" with from orientation. So what will you do? Make a very large dent in the endless supply of food bought by your mom and maybe cry a little.
4. The "No offense to you, but I wanna go home" stage.
Classes will start. People will make friends. Except for you, nothing will seem to be going right. The words, "I just wanna go home," may slip out of your mouth. These words may insult your roommate. You'll probably feel really bad about it, but you probably won't apologize because you'll feel too awkward bringing it up again.
5. The "Wait, are we actually bonding?" stage
Kids, this is where things get interesting. Maybe it'll be a poster you hung up or a book left laying around; maybe it'll be the penguin socks knitted by your great aunt, but one day, you and your roomie are going to find something you have in common. You'll talk about it for a while and then you'll start to realize, maybe not all hope is lost.
6. The "Be honest, do I look too much like a tumbleweed to go to my 9 a.m. like this?" stage.
It is during this stage where honesty comes into play -- a very important building block in friendship. You may feel bad admitting that you aren't loving that cardigan/cargo pants combo, but at the end of the day, your roomie will only thank you for making sure you didn't let her leave the dorm looking less than a 10 out of 10.
7. The "This weekend, we became one" stage.
Kids, this stage is a game changer. Maybe you spent a night on the town, maybe you went out dancing, maybe you just passed a few sandwiches around? However it happened, you and your roomie will undergo some Narnia-like adventure together that takes you from almost friends to sisters in an instant.
8. The "I guess I can trust you to hear my fire playlist and not judge me too hard" stage.
Now that the two of you are confident in your friendship, it's time for the skeletons to come out of the closet. And yes, I mean that '90s throwback playlist you listen to every morning before class to get hyped.
9. The "I'm going to give you a weird nickname no one else really gets because that's the sign of ultimate bonding" stage.
Maybe your name fits into a fun pun, maybe you did something weird that one time at breakfast or maybe someone just accidentally called you the wrong name and it stuck? Regardless of how the nickname started, this is an important step. Kathy and Fran doesn't sound like goals, but Kale and Furby sure does!
10. The "Let's stay up till 3 a.m. sitting on the floor eating cheese and dishing drama" stage.
Everyone has steam they need to blow off every once in a while, and since your dog isn't around to vent to, your roommate is the next best thing. A little word of advice: the later it is, the deeper it gets. Also, food must always only be an arm's length away for comfort, of course.
11. The "Mess with my roomie and you get a free black eye!" stage.
At this point, you know know your roommate. You love your roommate. You would slay anyone on any media platform (or face to face) in order to make sure no one walks over your roommate. And the best part is, they'd do the exact same thing for you.
12. The "I'm sorry, but tonight I have to be a mom" stage.
As formerly stated, you would do a lot to protect your roommate. Sometimes, that means going a little less hard one night to keep eyes on your roomie. Whether it's making sure they're staying on top of that eight-page paper, or watching out for an ex, being responsible once in a while never hurt anyone.
13. The "College is hard, what's plan B?" stage.
Everyone hits their pre-pre-mid-life crisis more than a few times throughout college. The best part about having your roommate as one of your best friends is that you'll probably hit bottom around the same time, which means you'll probably think of a few gems together for a plan B if this whole college thing goes awry. From roommates to business partners has a pretty nice ring to it, too.
14. The "Why did we get ourselves into this?" stage.
In college, sometimes you get a little overzealous. Maybe you and your roommate decide taking 8 a.m. classes together was a great idea, or maybe you joined four clubs, two sports and got a job. It's all going to seem like too much to handle, and the truth is, it probably is. The two of you will have to put your brains together and figure out strategy to deal with whatever you got yourselves into.
15. The "Your pain is my pain, fam" stage.
Eventually, someone's going to break down. We're all human, even roomie goals. But it's important to be there for your roomie. Whether it's lending a shoulder to cry on, getting them their favorite snack from the vending machine, or talking it out, roomie goals always show effort.
16. The "I don't know why you've put up with me this long but I'm sure glad you have" stage.
Maybe you're good at hiding your freak flag? Maybe they're just as weird as you? You'll never really know why your roommate has hung around with you through it all, but what's important is you thank them for it. They easily could have moved out during week one, and honestly, you're always going to wonder why they didn't.
17. The "So we're definitely living together again next year, right?" stage.
You take one scroll through Yik Yak and see all these people saying nasty things about their roommates. Then you realize what you and your roomie have is sacred. You can't imagine sharing a humid, tiny dorm room with anyone else.
18. The "Ultimate roomie goals" stage.
Kids, at this point, you and your roommate embody the meaning of "roomie goals." There's nothing the two of you can't conquer. You've weathered everything from health and safety inspections, to finals week, to fashioning each other's hair into buns over garbage bins during flu season. The two of you as a duo are bonded for life.
A roommate can be a lot of things. They can simply be the human on the opposite side of the room taking up half of your closet space; they can be the pain in the butt that drives you to spend your days hiding away in the library; or they can be one of the best friends you'll make during your college career.
So kids, it's a long, at times awkward, but mostly fun journey, and that is how you become "roomie goals."
