Even if you don't follow sports, you've probably heard the name LaVar Ball tossed around the past few weeks. His son Lonzo plays college basketball at UCLA, and is expected to be a high pick in this summer's NBA Draft. LaVar Ball used to play college basketball himself at Washington State, just not with the impressive stats his son has at UCLA. Ball has received much criticism over the past weeks because of his ridiculous claims that he could beat Michael Jordan in one-on-one, that his three sons combined could be worth a billion dollars in future endorsement deals, that Lonzo is a better player than Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors, and that Lonzo can become better than "Magic" Johnson if drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers.
If you think those claims are ridiculous, think about the claims he could make, and the comebacks you should be prepared with:
1. "I can be a better president than Donald Trump!"
That one is probably true.
2. "I could have outrun O.J. Simpson when he was in college and in the NFL!"
O.J. was pretty fast!
3. "I could have driven faster than O.J. Simpson's white Bronco during that chase!"
It would have been hard getting through that police "escort".
4. "If I murdered somebody, I could have been proven guilty faster than O.J.!"
Again, probably true, now enough with the O.J. jokes.
5. "I could coach and win more basketball games than Coach K, Jim Boeheim, and Bobby Knight combined!"
You'd probably be dead before that became a reality. Just a stretch!
6. "I'm the next Gregg Popovich in coaching!"
Can you give short answers to interview questions?
7. "I should be the Lakers coach because my boy, Lonzo, will be their next superstar!"
Even Kwame Brown played for the Lakers. Hold your horses!
8. "I can out-swear Gordon Ramsey!"
F*****' good one, you donkey!
9. "I can absolutely, 100 percent, beat Bobby Flay!"
Hey! There's a show on Food Network called "Beat Bobby Flay." You should try it!
10. "I can make a better movie than M. Night Shyamalan!"
It's very possible.
11. "I can bi-locate!"
You ain't got nothing on St. Padre Pio, bro!
12. "I can be worse than Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka!"
Too bad there's not an entire website dedicated to you. http://saynotograndpajoe.com/
13. "The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series someday!"
Dude, that happened last year.
14. "The Cleveland Indians will get to a World Series someday!"
Dude! Again! Happened last year.
15. "The Cleveland Browns will win a Super Bowl one day!"
Now you're talking!
16. "Manos: The Hands of Fate is the greatest movie of all-time!"
It's actually been considered the worst film ever made. You actually cringe while watching it!
17. "I can make a movie with more explosions than Michael Bay!"
Dear God, nobody wants to see that!
18. "I can write an article better than the fool writing this one!"
You think so? Then you should definitely apply for the Odyssey! I'll tell you who to contact.