After suffering almost two full years at Clemson, I've compiled a list as to why you should NOT attend Clemson University. Please heed my warnings and run for the hills. Do NOT come to Clemson for the following reasons:
1. The weather
Who wants sunny 70 degree days in January and February? No one. That’s who.
2. The sports
Clemson’s sports teams aren’t even that good. National Champions? Big deal.
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3. The campus
One of the safest campuses in America? Who cares?
4. The town
Everyone is seriously disgustingly nice. It makes me sick.
5. The lake
Seriously, who wants a beach on their campus and access to kayaking and paddle boarding? Lame.
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6. The Blue Ridge Mountains
Who wants a view of the mountains when walking to and from class and while downtown? Not this girl.
7. The academics
The 23rd best public university? Not even that great. The 66th best university nationally? Laughable.
8. The faculty
Don’t even get me started on the professors. None of them have a close relationship with their students. They don't want to help their students succeed. They won't do anything to help students with their futures! Sad!
9. Dabo Swinney
Honestly, he's a terrible guy who never does anything for the school. He clearly hates Clemson.
10. Everything is green
Seriously, how many fields and trees does one campus need?
11. The sunsets
Orange and purple sunsets every day? Yeah, no thanks.
12. The South Carolina Botanical Gardens
Again with the green-ness and the trees? Does this college even have academic buildings? Honestly.
13. The proximity to national parks and waterfalls
Just minutes from nature and hiking trails with unmatched views? Puke.
14. The school spirit
You’re telling me that everyone loves this school more than anything? Doubt it. Everyone wears orange on Fridays and goes all out for every sporting event? Even more unlikely.
15. Students pack the stadium
Clemson is only ranked fifth for the ability to pack the stadium for football games to watch the most exciting 25 seconds of college football. That’s pathetic.
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16. Happy students
Ranked number 11 for having the happiest students? What a total lie.
17. Town to gown relations
If you want a job straight out of college, you probably won’t if you go to Clemson.
18. Clemson Family
Honestly, being surrounded by people who love their school/ alma mater is horrifying. Everyone is extremely proud they attend(ed) Clemson. Ew.
Clearly there are so many reasons not to attend Clemson University. Doesn’t it seem horrible?
*If you couldn’t tell by now, this was completely satire and I mean the complete opposite of every single statement I've made. Honestly, Clemson is the best! If I had to do it all over again, I would choose Clemson 10 times out of 10.