The first 18 years of our lives are some of the most overlooked but impactful years we experience. Although we are not shaped by monetary struggles, marital problems and other “real life” issues, we are instead shaped by our own coming of age experiences, which only prepare us for the obstacles we will face in the years to come. Despite the lack of regard for the lessons learned in our adolescent years, since I turn 18 just two weeks I’ve been reflecting on some monumental moments that resulted in some great lessons. Here’s just a few of those great lessons I consider myself lucky to have learned over the years.
1. True happiness must come from within yourself.
The happiness we get from others is just a feeling because when they leave, the feeling leaves with us. The only way we can become truly happy is if we make ourselves happy, because then happiness becomes one of our characteristics and our state of mind, not just an emotion.
2. Words don’t mean anything if your actions don’t back them up.
It doesn’t matter how many times someone says that they care about you, if the way they act doesn’t back up the words they say, then the words don’t mean anything. Words are just words until they are given meaning.
3. Not everyone is going to like you, but that's okay as long as you like yourself.
A quote by Dita Von Teese says it best: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” No matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to approve of you, your actions or your beliefs. You can be the nicest, smartest, funniest person on the planet but you’ll still be too much for some people and not enough for others. However, that’s okay because in the end you have to live with yourself, the choices you make, the morals you follow and the person you ultimately decide to become. As long as you approve of all of those qualities, then it doesn’t matter who doesn’t; you’re the only person who is required to deal with such qualities.
4. If you have a best friend, you can get through anything.
Life is hard, and despite what adults think, being a kid is hard, because although we may not deal with “real” issues, the issues we deal with are real to us; they’re the only issues we know. However, no matter how bad or good life gets, if you have a best friend supporting you every step of the way, you can get through it. With someone walking beside you through all the victories and tribulations you experience, the joyful moments are much sweeter and the devastating moments are more bearable. Humans are designed for companionship, so having a companionship as deep as a best friendship may not make you invincible, but it makes you feel like you are, and there is power in that.
5. Letting go hurts less than holding on.
This was and continues to be the hardest lesson I’ve learned and continue to learn, but with each passing day, its importance becomes bolder. Holding onto anger, jealousy, hatred and even sadness doesn’t hurt whoever or whatever is causing it; instead it hurts you. The more you let these negative emotions dominate your state of mind, the more miserable you become. You don’t heal in any way from being bitter. Choosing to let go, although it may seem impossible at times, represses these negative emotions and allows you to heal because it focuses you on healing instead of whatever situation you are healing from. Not to mention, whoever or whatever is causing you to be sad, or angry, or jealous, most likely doesn’t care that you have such emotions, so holding onto these emotions isn’t even affecting the person or situation causing them; it only affects you. Letting go eliminates the effect these emotions have on you, allowing you to move on from what caused them quicker and less painfully.
6. Life never goes as planned, but that's the beauty of it.
I grew up with plans to attend a huge university hours from my home, and I worked tirelessly all throughout high school to make this dream my reality. This dream did become my reality…then three weeks before classes started, unforeseen circumstances arose and I realized that although I had met my goals, it was no longer what I wanted, and I enrolled in a small university just an hour from my hometown. And I couldn’t be happier. Although I never pictured my life to be the way it is now, I’m glad it didn’t go how I planned it to because I would have missed out on so many wonderful and life changing opportunities if things had gone the way I initially wanted them to.
7. Live for the little things in life, they end up meaning more than the big things.
Since I was old enough to understand what prom was, I couldn’t wait for my senior year just so that I could attend my senior prom. When senior year rolled around, I swore that prom would be the highlight of it. I was way off the mark. Although my senior prom was a wonderful and memorable night, it wasn’t the highlight of my senior year. Instead, the memories I had no clue I was even making, the events that seemed to have no significance, ended up being the height of my senior year. Whether it meant loitering in the local Walmart parking lot with my best friend on a Saturday night, driving my little sister to school every morning or eating lunch in my favorite teacher’s classroom every day, the little, everyday things ended up being the most significant moments of my entire year. My appreciation for those memories has given me a greater gratitude for the seemingly insignificant moments, because it’s these moments that will hold the most significance when I look back on my days.
8. Being kind is the best legacy you can leave behind.
I always strived to be the smartest student in my class and the best barrel racer at the high school rodeos. The people around me also always aimed to be the best at whatever hobby they pursued. However, when it’s all said and done, nobody cares or remembers if you were the best football player in the school or got accepted in the most prestige university in the nation. However, people do remember when you’re kind to them, because even years later, people remember when an effort is made to raise their self esteem or even just to make their day better. To be remembered as the positive light on someone’s darkest day, or the kindhearted person in world full of negativity is the best legacy one can leave behind because it’s genuine and it does more than benefit yourself, it benefits others and the world around you.
The first 18 years of our lives doesn’t really teach us anything about everyday living. As I mentioned earlier, we don’t learn to deal with true monetary struggles or marriage or taxes or the other boring struggles that plague adulthood. However, the first 18 years of our lives do teach us some values necessary for creating a life that’s worth the everyday living struggles. They teach us the morals to be a positive asset to the world, the coping mechanisms necessary for the various disappointments we are bound to face, and the value of the people and opportunities we experience along the way, all of which hold more importance than they are readily given credit for.
