Every time January 1 rolls around, the classic New Year's resolutions of losing weight and going to the gym more often are announced. Less than 24 hours later, those resolutions are pretty much broken. Maybe this list can provide a better outlook for 2017 and last a solid 48 hours instead.

1. I'm going to wear jeans at least once a week.

2. I won't visit McDonald's too often, no matter how good their fries may be.

3. I'll curtail the Netflix binge to single-digit hours instead of days.

4. I won't cuss as much, with the exception of sports and injuries.

Shit, I just messed that one up... oh well, we'll start it for 2018.

5. I'll wear make-up when I'm going out or have a special occasion.

6. Speaking of pizza — I'm going to save some for friends and not eat the whole thing myself.

No promises, especially if it's sausage pizza.

7. I'm going to read more books. No, People and Cosmopolitan don't count.

8. If a driver cuts me off without using their signal, I won't lay down on the horn as much.

Maybe we can make this another exception to #4, right?

9. I'm going to be more patient when things don't go my way.

10. I'm going to cook more meals for myself instead of eating out all the time.

You know what, Chinese food sounds good.

11. I won't buy unnecessary things from Target — I'll stick to my list.

Yes, I did need four cartons of Oreos and three shirts from the clearance rack.

12. I'm going to try new foods and expand my comfort zone.

Or I'll just stick with burger and fries.

13. I'm going reduce my wine intake from a bottle a day to a glass a day.

14. I won't listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving.

November 1, the third Thursday of November. Still November.

15. I'm going to go to the gym at least three times a week.

But the couch is so much better. And comfier. And you don't sweat while sitting.

16. I won't get as frustrated listening to complaints about how hard dieting is.

17. I want my resolutions to last the entire year this year.