This past weekend, I attended my uncle's funeral. He passed away very suddenly, and far too soon. He had a massive stroke at the age of 47 and passed shortly after. This family funeral was the first I've attended as an adult where the death was completely unexpected, and those situations make you think a lot about what life means. As odd as it sounds, I learned a lot from this experience too. So, here are 16 things you learn when you attend a family funeral as an adult:
1. You cannot handle seeing your grandparents cry.
They've spent your entire life trying to make you smile. They've been a source of comfort, familiarity and copious amounts of chocolate chip cookies for as long as you can remember. Seeing them cry is an entirely new level of pain.
2. Funeral flowers are not as comforting as you may think.
I appreciate your condolences, but I have two funeral flower arrangements sitting in my house right now. I know where they came from and they serve as a constant reminder of this loss. And by the same token...
3. Neither are sympathy cards.
My grandparents spent over two hours reading sympathy cards in the week before my uncle's funeral. We got a hefty stack of letters in the mail, too. Again, we appreciate your sympathy, and we feel so loved, but it's taxing to read so many of them.
4. Every church lunch has at least three hash brown casseroles.
No joke. So many potatoes.
5. Little reminders are everywhere.
I'm driving my uncle's car right now. In the center console were his favorite candy, a selection of CDs, and the Chapstick scent that he was never without. I haven't taken them out yet.
6. When using multiple tissues at a time, softness matters.
It's like having a cold, but worse.
7. Even the funniest people can make you cry.
My dad and his brother spoke at the memorial service. They're both very funny, but both of their speeches made everyone cry.
8. A graveside service with 50 mph winds make for a great arm workout.
Everyone standing in the tent had a hold of the metal bar trying to make sure that it wasn't ripped out of the ground during the graveside service. Considering arm day completed.
9. It's not the best way to have a family reunion.
My dad's side of the family is huge. Last time we counted, there were maybe 78 people starting with my grandma and her sisters? Almost everyone was there, and the chorus of "we should have a family reunion with better circumstances" was echoed a million times.
10. I feel guilty for complaining so much about family Christmas overshadowing my birthday.
Any other December babies feel this struggle? My birthday is Dec. 30, and without fail, we always had a family Christmas on my birthday. Now I won't be able to experience another one that is quite the same as the last 21 of them were.
11. The strongest ones are also the smallest.
My little cousins were the source of most everyone's joy that day. They're too young to really understand what happened, and that makes them the perfect people to give hugs and tell jokes.
12. Neckties don't stay on little boys for long.
Yeah. Neckties on 3-year-olds are a recipe for disaster. I think I saw one clip on tie being used as a tail.
13. I wasn't going to see him today, but this hurts so much worse.
My uncle lived in Kansas City, so I didn't get to see him very often. Even if he was still here, I wouldn't be able to see him today. Or tomorrow. Or even next week. But you miss people so much more when you can't do anything about it.
14. You meet amazing people that were a part of their life.
A huge group of people came in from KC for the services. I left the funeral with Facebook friend requests from incredible people who knew him like I did.
15. Your family grows.
We met my uncle's girlfriend a couple of years ago. Even though she isn't technically family, it doesn't matter, because we love her and she's become an integral part of us.
16. You didn't know the last time you said goodbye would be the last time.
Enough said.
