Whether it's an unbelievably rude waiter, the drunkard standing next to you at a concert, or an Instagram post that calls for some major eye-rolling, there always seems to be a valid reason for why it just might be easier to never leave our houses or attempt to interact with the rest of humanity. Here are 15 of the countless things that every homebody and lone wolf you know are all too familiar with:
1. When you find yourself meeting friends of friends and you're like:
Let's start with an obvious one. There is nothing more agonizing than being coerced into meeting new people. As someone who generally doesn't like mankind, getting to know any new members of it is pretty awful. Plus, is there anything worse than *cringes* introducing yourself?
2. Getting physical pain when you need to meet with someone in a professional setting but trying not to show it:
This is just another reason why "adulting" is not for everyone. Whether it's the fancy attire or the awkward handshakes, networking is simply harder for an antisocial creature like you.
3. Looking at sororities wondering how such a large group of people could spend so much time together without murdering each other.
I mean, what kind of aliens can tolerate overwhelming amounts of attention from the same people for extended periods of time without going postal? Surely, this must be some work of sorcery or brainwashing. No one is that happy around other people.
4. The lobby of every doctor's/dentist's office is so painfully awkward you'd rather just go home and McGyver a solution to the problem.
The room is just one huge hub of uncomfortable feelings. Not only do you get to soak up that musty, pungent scent of ointment that every office seems to share, but you can spend upwards of 30 long minutes staring at the phlegm-y old man sitting catty-corner to you. And let's not forget about those judgmental glares from Sheryl the receptionist. It's enough to make you consider investing in some dandelion root and ginger and getting the hell out of there.
5. Headphones are a must on public transportation.
Because God forbid anyone try to talk to you on that crammed little prison on your commute to work. Instead, you commit to the "music on, world off" mantra. So if the man next to you is feeling a little extra chatty about whatever has hit the front page of the Post, he'll know to take his friendliness elsewhere.
6. You're constantly charging your phone to make sure you have a readily available distraction/excuse to avoid social contact
Taking the train by yourself? Have a family party that you don't particularly want to go to? Waiting to meet a friend in an uber-crowded restaurant? Fear not, you little ball of awkwardness, because every true loner knows that a juiced-up phone is the most valuable tool in any multi-person interaction. Whether you're liking up a storm on Instagram or snapping pictures of yourself with the puppy filter, you know that a phone is your secret weapon against forced human interaction.
7. Trying to hide your excitement when plans get canceled at the last minute:
So, you're saying not to leave the couch, change out of my sweatpants, and pretend to be enjoying myself in public? Well, only since you asked.
8. Dodging people you know in public like a celebrity avoiding the paparazzi.
This is twice as difficult if you still live in the town you grew up in. Indeed, no place goes unchecked when it comes to running into ghosts of high school's past.
9. Speaking of avoiding people, you always seem to get stuck running into familiar faces when you look like the poop emoji.
Fate is a cruel mistress in the sense that she makes sure that when you do choose to leave the house and socialize with the rest of society, your hair/makeup/outfit/face look like, well, you haven't left the house in days. And regardless of whether that is *technically* true or not, it just makes leaving the house that much more dreadful.
10. Spending a majority of your day in your room/dorm by yourself.
The reality is that people can be utterly exhausting on the body. You've got severe sun glare from actually existing outside of your dark room for more than an hour. Your ears are in piercing agony from hearing how fabulous Ashley's vacation was for forty-five-freaking-minutes. By the end of one conversation, your brain has gone into complete sensory overload and all you want out of life is a goddamn nap.
11. Needing at least 1 hour of me time to be set aside during the day with just you and your Spotify playlist.
Let's make something abundantly clear: this hour is not negotiable. In order for me to properly maintain my sanity without going Britney Spears circa 2007 (look it up, 2000's babies) on anybody, I will require a little time out of the day where I can be as anti-social and lonely as I please. No further questions.
12. You've successfully mastered the art of the duck-and-run.
Oh please, we're all guilty of this.
13. When a stranger takes the seat next to you in the library/restaurant/room and you have to pretend that you aren't annoyed.
In all honesty, you don't have to move. I just really want you to. It's not you, it's the conversation I'm trying to avoid having with you. Thanks for understanding.
14. Your friends often pass off your silence as being unfriendly, "hangry", or just plain ole' cranky.
"Oh, don't mind her. She's just a little moody today. Just keep a respectful distance and don't try to poke her or she may bite."
15. But really, you just can't be bothered interacting with civilization and somehow, people find that charming about you.
The truth is that everyone loves a good grump. There's really no explanation for how a little loner such as yourself could come off as the world's most covert lovebug. Nonetheless, it's nice to embrace your favorite humans once in a while with a little socializing and affection; emphasis on a little. Let's not get crazy, now.
