Like many other things in life, Asexuality exists on a spectrum.
From Gray-Ace, to Demisexual, to Aromantic, there are many different frequencies and intensities of sexual and romantic attraction that one can have. No matter where you identify under the Asexual umbrella, we all have heard some things that drive us absolutely bonkers.
Here are 15 things Asexuals are tired of hearing.
1. Is that a real thing?
Well, after 21 years of existence I am here to say that, yes, I am a ‘real thing.’ Asexuality is not a unicorn, after all. It is an identity.
2. You never have sex? That sucks!
See, there’s a difference between not wanting to have sex and not being able to get laid. Some people simply don’t want to have sex. And anyway, many Asexuals engage in sexual activity for a wide array of reasons. It’s not always about sex in the physical, libido sense.
3. So...you hate sex?
4. How do you live?
5. But sex is such a great stress reliever!
As is yoga. And exercise. And music. And laughing. And listening to music. And planting a garden. And I think you get the point.
6. You just need to get laid.
Again, you seem to be lacking an understanding of the distinction between desire and ability.
7. How are you in a relationship then?
Romantic relationships are not founded upon the necessity of sex. Relationships are about respect, understanding, communication, meeting each other halfway, ordering take out because neither of you can cook, whatever.
8. How can you still find someone physically attractive?
I am asexual, not blind. Just because I do not feel the desire to sleep with someone, doesn’t mean I cannot appreciate the fact that they are absolutely beautiful.
9. So you are practicing abstinence?
Being asexual is not the same thing as practicing abstinence. Asexuality is largely defined by the lack of sexual attraction and the lack of satisfaction tied to sexual behavior — not the lack of sexual behavior itself. Abstinence is also a choice. Asexuality is not.
10. How do you know if you've never tried it?
The same way you knew you were into sex without trying it. That desire for physical connection did not develop in the same way it did for you.
11. No one is going to want to be with you if you don't put out.
Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t accept me for who I am? Also, there are many people whose lives do not depend upon having sex. Not to mention, there are plenty of other Asexuals in existence. I think we’ll be just fine, but thanks.
12. So you don't want to get married or have kids?
People who are Aromantic may not ever see themselves getting married. But for romantic Asexuals, there are plenty of different options. Also, Asexuals can choose to conceive using traditional methods or more modern methods. Everyone has different options and wants different things, but the opportunity for kids and marriage still exist for Asexuals.
13. Sex is a little scary for everyone at first. It'll grow on you.
First of all, I am not afraid of sex. I simply do not desire to have it. Second of all, the desire for sex will not ‘grow on me.’ Just like being asexual will not ‘grow’ on you.
14. Don't give up on sex just because of one bad experience.
What makes you assume I had a bad experience? In fact, many Asexuals have never had any sexual experiences before. It is because we don’t want to. Not because we have to be Asexual or because one experience turned us off from sex. Not everyone who doesn’t want to have sex has to be ‘damaged’, you know.
