1. Please get my name right...

Box Office: "Hello, my this is Jessie, how can I help.... No its Jessie, not Jeffery... Nope, not Jackie either"

2. Make up your mind...

Box Office: "Do you have any seating preferences?"
*20 minutes of discussing seating options*
Box Office: "Just buy the damn tickets"

3. Be Prepared...

Patron: "I have vouchers, I'd like to use."
Box Office: "Okay, can you read me the code on those?"
Patron: "Well, I don't have them with me."
Box Office: "Well, I can't help you then."

4. Don't ask me to wait...

Patron: "Can you hold please"
Box Office: "No.. You called me!"

5. Be Specific...

Patron: "I'd like to use the discount you have in the paper"
Box Office: "Which one? There are tons of discounts out there.."

6. Keep us posted...

Patron: "I missed my show"
Box Office: "Did you call us before?"
Patron: "No."
Box Office: "Not my problem."

7. When comparing prices...

Patron: Is there a fee if I purchase my tickets online?"
Box Office: "Yes, there is an online fee. Have you never purchased tickets online to ANYTHING before?"

8. Have payment ready...

Patron: "Can you hold those ticket for me?"
Box Office: "Nope. No payment now, no tickets for you."

9. Treat me like a human being...

Box Office: Thank you for calling th-"
Patron: "-Says one word-."
Box Office: "Excuse me?"
Patron: "-Repeats one word-."
Box Office: "Sir, I'm not a receptionists nor a caveman so I'm going to need you to speak in full sentences."

10. Know what theater you are calling...

Patron: " I need two tickets to Kinky Boots on Friday at 7:30"
Box Office: "The Broadway Tour of Kinky Boots is not playing here."

11. When describing seating preferences...

Patron: "I want two seats in the balcony on the right...yeah, there are two seats, and then there are seats in front of it, do you know what I am talking about?"
Box Office: "Every seat but row A has a seat in front of it!"

12. Understand that I didn't cause your problem...

Patron: "...tickets are just so much more expensive than back in the day..."
Box Office: "Guess what else is more expensive? Gas. Milk. It's called the Economy.

13. Help me help you..

*During intermission*
Patron: "Hi, we'd like to resubscribe but we want to change our seats.."
*Box Office explains the process and engages in a ten minute conversation about the seats.*
Patron: "Well, are we all done?"
Box Office: "No mam' I need you account number to even begin."
*Patron gives number as five minute bell rings for Act Two*
Patron: "Okay, we're all good right?"
Box Office: "No mam' I need payment for you renewal before you leave."
Patron: "WELL WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A THEATER SHOW!!!"
*Box Office:

14. When you are only trying to be helpful..

Patron: Is this the box office?
Box Office: Yes. Are you looking for Will Call?
Patron: No.....I bought my tickets online.
Box Office: .....sooooooo, you need Will Call. It's right over there...