“America is the greatest country in the world!”

As much as I may relate to this quote, I really don't wish to be an American citizen. For everyone who knows me or has heard me announce for the billionth time that I’m Canadian, well, I’m Canadian. There are certain perks to being a Canadian citizen, but for some unknown reason, I’m beginning the process of applying for a United States citizenship. I love the States (especially Texas) and I love America (well, maybe a certain PART of America) so becoming an American citizen is something my family and I have been looking forward to. However, there are about 15 reasons why I DON’T want to be an American citizen, and I’d like to get them out before I have to be all Star-Spangled patriotic.

1. Canada has free healthcare.

You probably saw this coming a million miles away, but it’s true and although taxes are a bit steep, I would rather pay double to triple the taxes I pay now to get free healthcare--as opposed to now, where I not only have to pay for insurance but also all of my medical fees because my insurance does absolutely nothing.

2. Canada has poutine.

For the poor souls who don’t know what poutine is, it’s French fries and cheese curds topped with a light brown gravy.

3. Tim Hortons.

Coffee, juices, doughnuts, you name it, they probably have it. Beautiful doughnuts that taste even better-10x what Dunkin’ Donuts will ever be, as much as I love them too.

4. Everyone is polite.

We also know when to say, "sorry," instead of starting an argument where someone will probably get shot and then, you know, get charged an obnoxious fee in the hospital that the government doesn’t pay for.

5. We have milk bags.

So much better than cartons.

6. Gay marriage has been legal since 2005.

As even President Viktor Petrov in House of Cards said, “I don’t believe in [laws against gay marriage]” and that laws against gay marriage are “barbaric." Surely, if it’s a thought that the Russian President of a show had on TV, it MUST be true! Which is why Canada is better than America.

7. Canada has a lower suicide rate than America.

Probably because America so obnoxiously wants to be better than everyone else, including suicide rates.

8. We have the nice side of Niagara Falls.

Absolutely true.

9. People don’t sue others over everything.

On a serious note, why is there 5 different commercials for lawyers in one break?

10. People actually like and respect the police.

When people feel love and respect, they reciprocate it. The American media loves to spread fear and hate into the minds of their viewers, and my heart goes out to the three fallen police officers in Baton Rouge. The more hate that gets spread, the more senseless killings that will happen. Which brings me to my next point…

11. Canada has restricted firearms.

Doesn’t mean you can’t have one, just means you have to provide a reason other than “I want to protect myself from the drug cartels that want to kill me because I know for a fact that if I own a pistol I will be able to kill those f**kers before they even have a chance to draw their AK47’s and shoot at me."

12. Canadians can legally drink at 19.

In Quebec it’s 18.

13. Santa Claus is a Canadian citizen.

True story.

14. Canada’s university tuition is cheaper.

We might not have Yale, or Harvard, but honestly you’re not going to get in anyways.

15. We spread love, not hate.