Boobs. Boobies. Breasts. Whatever you prefer–they're all the same thing. Except they're not. Some are small, some are big, some are saggy, some are perky, and some are big and round and look so perfect they seem fake while others not so much. They may be one of the few things in this world that make us feel feminine without having to try, but damn are they a pain half of the time. And if you have a big chest you'll know what I'm talking about. Here are just 15 problems we big chested girls go through.
1. Boob sweat.
In all of its glory, it's everywhere. In every little crevice. The cleavage, the underboob, the side-boob: just put some deodorant and a Shamwow up in there for the day and that'll do the trick. For this reason, summer is a big chested girls enemy.
2. Clothes with buttons.
Let me just stroll over to the maternity section right quick and get some button-up shirts that will actually button over by boobs. I mean seriously, have stylists not figured out yet that buttons on shirts for girls with big boobs are on the verge of popping off at any second?
3. V-neck shirts.
If you want to know the epitome of what makes a girl look "slutty", it's when her cleavage is out. Some of us can't help that. V-neck shirts often dip lower than average, and if our boobs are approaching a D cup, there's bound to be some major cleavage going on. But it's not intentional.
4. Running.
Have you ever seen a basset hound running? And it's entire face goes up and down and up and down? And everything on its body pulls with the force of gravity and then lifts only to be pulled down again? That's how it is running with boobs. I'll leave it at that.
5. Laying down.
It just hurts in an uncomfortable way. I don't know why but laying down on your chest is just instant pain. It throbs and stings, not to mention your cleavage line length triples. So don't lay down unless you have some serious padding and make sure you have a turtle neck on. And in that case, rock it like Marilyn.
6. Anything upside down.
I once tried to take a picture of me doing a handstand and for the love of all that is good and holy that was a mistake. My boobs were practically covering my eyes. I'm pretty sure I was being suffocated at one point. I swear it's like someone was trying to pull them down but no, it's all the natural effects of gravity.
7. The sagging.
Oh no, don't let people fool you about saggy boobs at an old age. It'll happen just if they're big. Some women are blessed with having perky boobs and that's grand. But the majority of the time it's like throwing a potato in a sock. Without a bra, your boobs do not take the shape of a nice round little boulder on your chest, rather a sad deflated triangular balloon. Okay so it's not as bad as I'm making it sound, but they just don't look the same without a bra on.
8. Food.
Your breasts are like a vacuum or trash can for food. It's like the best place for food to hide. It's jail for your food. It's worse and probably more unsanitary than the floor for the five-second-rule. What I'm getting at is if you have any shirt on that your cleavage is showing and you're eating, food will disappear into the depths, if it doesn't already fall on your shirt leaving stains.
9. Bra shopping and sizing.
I think if I went into ten different stores, each place would give me a different bra size. But let's face it, larger bras usually stick to nudes, blacks and whites. The smaller ones are all colorful and lacy. All those bandeaus and bralettes that are super cute don't work out for us. I literally had to go to a store one time that was intended for women 60 or older just to find a bra that fit me comfortably. The most "risqué" bra was a pastel pink with lace trimming and no padding.
10. Dress shopping.
Often I find this to be a life or death situation. Not literally, but I went prom dress shopping and over half of the dresses I slipped on over my head would stop at my boobs. If I slipped it on from the bottom it would stop at my boobs. If I ever got it over my boobs I'd get stuck. If you want to feel helpless in a dressing room, get trapped in a dress because of your boobs.
11. The pain.
Sometimes your boobs just hurt. They just randomly become achey and painful to the touch. I went to the doctor worried a painful lump in my boob was cancerous and her answer was "it's just normal to have painful breasts in some women". Alright cool. It's wonderful. And it can be worse during or around that time of the month.
12. Blindspots.
Oh yeah, this is a thing. There's a whole world you can't see because your boobs are in the way. One time I lost my pencil and really it was just where I couldn't see it: under my boobs. Someone had to point it out to me that the pencil was right against my stomach on my desk, but my boobs were blocking the view. Nice.
13. Adjusting them.
Okay so sometimes they just get out of place or they're uncomfortable and you gotta move them around. Or maybe you have an itch. But there are countless times throughout the day where you need to move those suckers around so they're comfortable again.
14. Seatbelts and satchels.
Seatbelts and satchels are a magnet to our cleavage. They slowly work their way to the center of our chest or the complete outside. Either way it's uncomfortable and mostly awkward.
15. Backless tops.
They're all so cute, but nearly impossible to wear without a bra. And it's just sad. I mean we can go braless but we'll be sagging up a storm and someone will probably have something to say about our nipples. We could tape our boobs, but who honestly wants to go through all of that?
Big boobs or small boobs, you gotta love 'em. They're something boys will never have and will never know how nice it is to use them as a table or how you're able to store your phone in them or how good it feels to take off your bra at the end of the day. They're a pain sometimes, but hey you gotta deal with some pains in life, am I right? If I'm being honest, I love my "boobies" just as I like my long eye lashes and big cheeks and I believe all women should learn to love their body's features.
