When you're beginning to learn how relationships work, you're bound to make mistakes. It's okay to mess up! Healthy relationships are built on the lessons learned from previous relationships. Here's what you may have learned in your own love life, and what you might be able to apply to your future relationships.
1. You have to put yourself first - this is about you.
A relationship cannot be built on the pity that comes with one partner feeling that they will hurt the other’s feelings if things end. Relationships are a two-way street, but you have to focus on the car you’re driving, first.
2.Don’t fall in love with the idea of love.
It’s easy to want a relationship and crave that TLC from someone, but you have always got to make sure that it’s the other person that makes an impact on your life, not the prospect of a significant other.
3. You both need time apart.
When every waking moment is spent together, it’s sweet at first. but if you start to distance yourself from the things that define you, you will change, most likely not for the better. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder!
4. Make sure you’re each pulling your own weight.
When you start to rely on your significant other for every little thing, you stop making your own small decisions and stop thinking with your own mind. You will lose yourself. Support is crucial, yes, but independence is, too. Discussions are always appropriate - just be careful not to solely listen to the advice from your partner.
5. Lead your own life.
You are your own person. When every aspect of your and your partner’s lives begin to tangle themselves together, you become a single unit, yes. But once you’re a single unit, if one half crumbles, the other half will too.
6. Don’t rush into things!
Become good friends before you start a relationship together. You’re SO positive that your partner is “The One”, but you don’t even know his/her/their middle name or favorite color yet. Take your time.
7. Your friends and family know you better than you know yourself.
Listen to them. If you feel like you have to hide your significant other from your family and friends, think long and hard. Make sure your partner is congruent with the future you want to create, the person you want to become, and the one you want to share your last name with.
8. Unfortunately, this doesn’t necessarily apply to all families.
If you feel like you have to hide your family and friends from your significant other, think about if your family is going to support you in all circumstances. We can’t choose our family, which usually creates those unbreakable blood bonds. But not always - and that’s okay. Just remember to think.
9. If every little bump in the road makes you fear the worst, move on.
In a healthy relationship, roadblocks are the necessary barriers that create strength and unity. If you are constantly scared that this will be the end - over the tiniest bit of dissonance - realize that you are simply not right for each other.
10. Don’t compare commitment to intimacy.
Sure, it may be nice to call someone your significant other, but just because it doesn't have a label doesn't mean it isn't special. What starts out as friends with benefits can easily develop into a real relationship with the right person.
11. Remove the word “blame” from your vocabulary.
If you feel you've made a mistake in the relationship, communicate that to your significant other and accept responsibility, and if your significant other comes to you, do not incite conflict. Discuss positive change and move on.
12. Make sure you're in the right mindset for a relationship.
If you can't devote enough time and effort to your significant other, you owe it to him/her to not waste their time.
13. Don't get carried away planning your possible future together.
Though it's fun to imagine what may happen someday, it's more important to focus on building off of what you have now. Don't let a hypothetical future get in the way of a very real present.
14. Move at a pace that's comfortable for both of you.
There's no need to rush into things, but it's also important to not be too reluctant. Allow the relationship to develop naturally, and take your significant other’s feelings into account. If you two find yourselves in separate places, you should probably let it run its course.
15. Have fun with it!
Relationships aren’t about stress - you shouldn’t take yourself too seriously. Go ahead, go out of your comfort zone. Don’t worry about embarrassment, taking it like a champ is only going to make your significant other like you more.
