Warning: biphobia

Although bisexuals make up a rather large demographic of the queer community, we often face invalidation and discrimination from those within and outside of the community. These microaggressions and insults are presumptuous, hateful and downright distasteful. Like 'homosexuality,' the word 'bisexuality' has problematic origins in the medical field, but has been reclaimed, respectively by members of the bisexual movement.

Bisexuality is commonly defined by the bisexual community as romantic and/or sexual attraction to individuals of the same gender and of different genders. Individuals of any gender can identify as bisexual. Other similar definitions established by bisexual organizations around the globe can be found here. I would like to include one more particularly poignant definition by activist, Robyn Orchs:

DEFINITION OF BISEXUALITY: I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted -- romantically and/or sexually -- to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree. — from “Selected Quotes” by Robyn Ochs

Yet, even with these rich and inclusive definitions reclaimed by actual bisexuals, straight and other queer folks continue to reduce this identify to effectively invalid or to horribly binaried. These conclusions and assumptions are so far from the truth that many are by their own ignorance. The phrases compiled below are a choice selection of comments that bisexuals are, quite frankly, just sick and tired of hearing over and over again.

1. "It's just a phase." "You'll choose a side." "Your sexuality isn't real." "You're just confused."

Ah yes, the confused bisexual. Probably the most common stereotype in the book. Not only are you invalidating bisexuals, but you're also denying the validity of fluid sexuality.

2. When dating someone of a different sex, "You're straight!" "You're invading queer spaces."

Dating someone doesn't magically alter your sexuality. The nature of our attraction doesn't simply disappear in a relationship. Still bisexual, still a part of the LGBTQIA community.

3. When dating someone of the same sex, "You're gay!"

Nope, not quite. See above.

4. "Oh, you're bi? Want to have a threesome with me and my boyfriend/girlfriend/friend?"

While there's nothing wrong with threesomes, making the assumption that someone is willing to engage with you in such a sexual act simply by virtue of the fact that they're bisexual is absolutely ridiculous. Seriously.

5. "You're promiscuous/greedy."

Another classic in the book. We are not inherently more sexually active just because we're bisexual. We tend to encounter greater health issues because we have to deal with (your) biphobia, (your) invalidation, and lack of access to resources. Deconstruct your slut-shaming; it doesn't belong anywhere.

6. "But I thought you were gay/straight!" "Are you gay or straight?"

Neither. Next?

7. "How do you know you're bi if you've never been with someone of the same sex?" "You're not bi enough!" "You're not a real bisexual!"

Look, you're not the bi police. To quote this post, "Your opinion of their past experiences doesn't define their sexuality." We're not lying. We're not faking. The notions of "being enough" or "being real" for are deeply entwined with very narrow dominant norms and perceptions, which are terribly gross, exclusive and invalidating.

8. "How are you bi if you're dating ____?"

Coming from direct personal experience with this question, understand that relationships do not preclude bisexuality. Though similar to #2 and #3, the implications of mutual exclusivity or even impossibility are still jarring nonetheless.

9. "You're half gay and half straight!"

No. Bisexuality is its own entity. We are not partials, nor fractured. Refer to this analogy:

"If you put blue and red together it makes purple. Purple is not referred to as half red half blue, though, because it is on its own a color. The same applies to bisexuality."

10. "You have straight passing privilege!"

Now this sort of comment is rooted in some seriously gross assumptions that are just completely untrue and generalizing. It's not a privilege to have your identity constantly invalidated and degraded. And here is Evan Rachel Wood adding another striking response to this inaccuracy:

11. "You're transphobic!"

Besides the fact that the reason this is accused is due to the problematic origins of the word in the medical field that I discussed earlier, folks tend to jump to the conclusion that the "bi" or "two" automatically means the categories "men" and "women." This completely ignores reclaimed definitions of bisexuality and invalidates the many bisexual trans and non-binary folk. Surprise, surprise, they do exist. Bisexuality is singled out, when it clearly is not as traditionally binaried as public misconceptions make it out to be.

12. Lesbian to bi woman, "I can't date you because you've been with guys." "You won't stay faithful and hop onto the next straight man you see."

Yikes. As if bisexuality determines an individual's faithfulness, as if past relationships should automatically invalidate and exclude other women loving women. Please address your blatant biphobia. Being invalidated by other members in the queer community in such a blatantly hostile manner is incredibly painful.

13. "You're just doing it for the attention."

What attention? Am I doing it for the cringe-worthy invalidation and blatant discrimination? Definitely not. This is our identity. It's not some joke. We're not faking it.

14. To non-binary bi folks, "You're actually pansexual."

Stop. Ask yourself this: "Do I have any right or authority in defining other people's sexuality?" And the answer that should come to mind is: "No, I certainly don't." Non-binary bisexuals are completed valid and most definitely bisexuals.

15. "Are you gay or are you JUST bi?" "You have to be at LEAST bi."

This post cleanly sums up the implication of incompleteness these phrases convey:

"They are proving that they do not view bisexuality as a complete and full orientation. We’re seen as meeting a 'minimum requirement.' Bisexuality does not mean 'watered-down gay.' We are not diluted. We are complete. And to act as if our relevance and importance are contingent on “how gay” or “how straight” we are is so damaging because we will never be either of those. You are telling us we will never be relevant and important enough for anyone."

We are wholesome. We exist. We have every right to self-determine our identities as much as everyone else. We want to be respected and validated without reduction.