Everyone has been voicing their opinion about 13 Reasons Why, but I’ll be the first to tell you that not all opinions are created equal. This is especially true in application to mental illness. The truth is: you don’t get to define someone else’s experience with mental illness.

If my house is on fire, you don’t get to decide how bad the fire is. You don’t get to be a vigilante and run into my flaming house in an attempt to rescue my favorite sweater because you most likely will get burned and then that’s my liability-- no matter how good your intentions are. You don’t get to tell me that it's manageable enough to not call emergency services. You don’t get to decide how I cope with this fire. Even if your house has previously been on fire or if you have experience with small kitchen fires in your home, this isn’t your place to lecture me about how I react to my fire. You may help-- if I ask or if the fumes from the fire have made it too difficult for me to make a logical decision. Other than that, though, your opinion on my house is not equal to yours because this is not your fire to fight.

So, when people tell me that I need to boycott 13 Reasons Why or I shouldn’t watch because the episodes are too triggering, I wonder if they truly understand what a trigger is. Everyone with mental illness experiences it differently. Even two people with identical diagnosis will have different reactions to literally any situation you throw at them because mental illness doesn’t strip them of their humanity and identity. Triggers are different for each of us and by blatantly saying that I should not watch this show without asking me further about what triggers me in specific communicates that you do not care about me as a person, but you care about me as an illness.

You may choose to forgo watching season two and that is your choice. You may even inform your friends of possible triggers and more specific times. That is a great way to be an ally to your friend with mental illness. However, to tell an individual that they in specific cannot handle it or tell them that this series will not help is beyond the scope of your “duties” as an ally to them.

How I handle and cope with my mental illness will not be the same way that you or anyone else does.

Personally, 13 Reasons Why did help me. Recently, people have taken to social media with claims that the show does not help anyone nor open a dialogue up about mental illness, but instead simply romanticizes the concept.

I’d like to preface this by saying that I understand romanization and the harm it can do. As a writer and avid reader, I see romanticization of all sorts of issues, but I have never seen it combatted so harshly until the release of the 13 Reasons Why series. Those who think that the show romanticize mental illness are entitled to their opinion, but for me, it captured my manic depression beautifully from a dual perspective.

First, it showed manic depression (otherwise known as bipolar disorder) the way that the person with the illness perceives themselves in both active and dormant (or controlled) ways. Then, the show goes further by showing how bipolar disorder is observed by those on the outside and how it affects them. It creates an accurate truth.

What many fail to understand about 13 Reasons Why is that symptoms of mania in mental illness are often romanticized by the one suffering. While those on the outside perceive the individual’s symptoms in the reckless and destructive way that they are, many times the individual themselves puts up a romantic veil to protect themselves.

13 Reasons Why showed this dual perspective, which was something that I had never seen represented on television or streaming platforms. During my manic episodes (and even sometimes in my depressive episodes), I see the world in a color that I can’t quite describe. As a writer, I believe an element of romanticism is built into my natural instinct. Instead of seeing my actions as a problem, I see them as a storybook waiting to unfold. In my mind, I rationalize my mania by painting it as somehow fulfilling the higher purpose that I have been waiting for the writer of my life to give me.

This is how I can only imagine Hannah Baker felt as she made the tapes. That is why the story unfolded as it did. That is why many believe 13 Reasons Why is romanticizing mental illness. In those moments, you see glimpses of a manic Hannah Baker who has managed to remove herself from her depression long enough to put together a plan that finally gives her purpose. She sees suicide as an option, but she sees her tapes as way to give it meaning. However, the story then shows the fallout… the repercussions… the reasons not to, even if it's too late. As her peers react to her final manic conquest, you begin to see the ugly sides.

And what you see is graphic. To shine a light on reality, the show provides real, graphic, and raw footage. Yet, here’s another complaint many have-- especially with the latest season. Except, the graphic nature of the story is what resonated with me the most. It was a partial breakthrough to me, a victim of bipolar disorder, to see the world not as a peachy mania, but instead as the raw reality that laid in front of me.

Concerns that some scenes are too graphic are valid, but those helpful trigger warnings that we talked about earlier are present throughout the series and were given notice to use ahead of time via social media and other platforms. Proceeding to see these raw scenes is a choice. Yes, many children with lesser judgment have access to the series as well, but this is no different than countless sources of media that show just as graphic if not worse footage and media that is available to the same children. Other series on HBO or ShowTime show vivid and unwarned rape scenes, the internet is open to pornography that often stumbles onto the screens of children, and predators are everywhere. Those children need to be monitored no different when watching 13 Reasons Why and it is not the fault of the creators of the show if this media falls into the wrong hands.

Many then suggest that those with mental illness should not be watching such graphic media. They say that rape and sexual assault survivors cannot handle it. They say those who have struggled with suicide will relapse when watching certain scenes. They say therefore the show should never been made. However, that is not my truth and that is not the truth of many survivors. Each of us, as I previously said, are triggered by something different. Our reactions will always be different. Some survivors may choose not to consume this form of media, which is a choice I understand. But for the rest of us, we watch this because this content resonates with us.

I applaud the cast and crew of 13 Reasons Why for their ability to provide such raw and real content.

If anything, I’m ashamed that so many wish to shame those who struggle with mental illness and sexual assault survivors who have found comfort in the show rather than confront the real issue with the series-- Jay Asher’s sexual harassment allegations. But apparently, blaming survivors is just being shown in a fake woke light now.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call 1-800-273-8255 or visit https://13reasonswhy.info.