I come from a family of 11 kids. My Dad was the youngest of six, my grandma one of seven, my great granddad one of nine. Like every big family, we have a little bit of everybody. There are the nosey relatives, the ones that decide to advise you that you should change your major because it's a dying breed, or tell you that you should probably wear makeup because guys like that. There are the sweet and kind ones, who love to tell you stories of their past and encourage you to reach for the moon so that you can use it as a sturdy grip to jump past the stars. There are the ones that decide that our Christmas or Thanksgiving is really just code for a debate, and they are the only ones who can be right. I have them all, plus more, and I know I'm not alone, so here are a few tips I have discovered over the years that have provided me with a little fewer uncomfortable situations and a few more happy and entertaining memories.
1. When the event first begins, attempt to circulate the room and make a reasonable impression on the majority, so you can retreat later and it won't be as noticeable.
2. Have a couple of key phrases for the senseless rambling relatives so that you are in fact in the conversation, but not really.
For example: "you're not wrong" for when you don't entirely agree but don't want to argue; "me too" for when you aren't really sure what was said; "that is a situation" for when a story is being told and you forgot to listen.
3. Unless you're willing to risk a mass murder, never bring up politics. Ever.
4. Find that one relative that always sits down and doesn't really say much and stay with them, they are your lifeline.
5. If a break is needed from the constant questioning, "accept a phone call."
6. If and when the topic of school, grades or your major arises, always lie, it will save you from self-loathing and that pitiful look people give you.
7. Along with school, the topic of your love life will inevitably come to the surface. If you are single (no shame, stunt that), have an intelligent answer prepared in which you sound better off than you actually are; this will most likely halt this topic. If not, I am truly sorry.
8. Parents, for some unknown illogical reason, seemingly always get an urge to bring up something utterly embarrassing that you have done or has happened since the last get-together. If this in fact happens, laugh, even if PTSD is still occurring.
9. A solid nine out of 10 times children will be present, so revert back to your beginnings and find joy in toys that ask you irrelevant questions in the form of song.
10. On an off chance you're feeling bold, say something that will ultimately make everyone extremely uncomfortable, therefore they end up avoiding you.
11. Always be eating, even if you aren't even particularly hungry. When people see that something is in your mouth, they're more inclined to refrain from speaking with you, unless they're a dentist.
12. In all honesty, there is no way to get out of answering at least a couple of repetitive questions, so you may as well create a different version or the story for each individual.
13. For some reason, if all else fails, just abort mission and run.
