When I was fifteen years old, just embarking on the college search, figuring out boys were a thing and realizing that popularity is relative, I often went through life thinking that the things I was going through were unique to my situation. I also thought that many of the problems would stop when I graduated high school and entered the "real world." I could not have been more wrong about either point. You are not alone, and the pettiness of high school will not end on graduation day. Here are some things that I have learned and, if you take them to heart, they will make going through life a little easier.
1. Some people are temporary.
They'll swear to you that they aren't. They'll promise to never leave. They'll tell you that your relationship means more to them than any fight that could happen. The hardest part is that they'll mean in when they say it. They'll still leave. Don't beat yourself up when you're sad that they're gone.
2. People will lead you on.
You'll spend a day, a week, a month, maybe even a semester "talking" to someone only for them to disappear out of the blue. Questions, confusion and feelings of inadequacy are normal. Just know that the person you're meant to be with won't lead you on for a second. You'll always know what they're thinking and they won't waste your time pretending.
3. Don't pretend to be someone you aren't.
Whether it's fashion, music taste or clubs you join, don't do something because you think somebody else will like it. Wear combat boots and concert t-shirts because you like them, not because of an image. Once you start building relationships based on your fake persona, you'll wish you'd given your true self a shot first. If people don't like you for who you are, you're better off not being their friend anyway.
4. People will hurt you.
They'll be mean. They'll talk behind your back about things they truly don't know anything about. You'll be shocked that anybody could make up something so ridiculous. They'll be hypocritical, holding you to a different standard than they hold themselves. You'll argue back. Sometimes you'll be right. Sometimes you'll be wrong. Learn to know the difference and accept them.
5. Pick your battles.
Not every fight is worth pulling out your best debate strategies. It's okay to let someone else win occasionally, especially when you can see where they're coming from. Don't fight, one-up or disprove something someone says just because you can. Don't put all of your time and energy into fighting for something to work that doesn't want to be fixed. Learn to recognize which battles are worth fighting and which people are worth sticking around for, then move on. Let the experience strengthen you, forgive them, but move on.
6. Your best friend will let you down.
Yes, even the one that's been there for you since middle school or birth. You'll need them desperately and, for whatever reason, they won't understand. Know that it is not because they don't love you, it's not because they don't care, and it's not because of anything you've done. Nobody is perfect, including your best friend, and sometimes her mistakes will come out when you need her most. Love her anyway (you do the same thing, even if you don't know it).
7. Mr. Right will come, you don't need to go looking.
Don't look for him (or her) everywhere you go. The best things come to those who wait. Stop putting so much energy into the search for the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend. When you aren't watching for him, he'll come around. Spend that energy on shaping yourself into the best version of you that you can be. Trust me, the most beautiful things happen when you least expect them.
8. Tell people how you feel.
This has been my personal goal ever since arriving at college. When something annoys you, say it; olding back only causes the annoyance to compound. When you appreciate something someone did, say it; it will brighten their day. When you have feelings for someone, say it; don't miss an opportunity for fear of being too forward. If you're confused, say it. Time only goes faster the older you get. Don't wait to address something or take a chance until it's too late. Be clear with what you want and what you're thinking. Don't let things get lost in translation or go unsaid. Your biggest regrets will be the words you never spoke.
9. Embrace where you are now.
It's so easy to get caught up in tomorrows, next weeks, this summers and next years. If you are constantly living in the future, you'll forget to live in the now. You will never be where you are now again. No matter how bad you think your situation currently is, one day you will look back and wish that you had cherished it more.
10. Try new things.
Never shy away from something because it's foreign to you. Do something that challenges you and pushes you out of your comfort zone. Test out new restaurants with cuisines you usually don't eat. Visit a new part of town. Read a book (for those of you who don't already). Exercising your brain is just as important and sexy as exercising your body.
11. Work your hardest.
There is nothing more attractive than a hard worker. Do your best at everything that you do and you will not regret anything. Do your work on time, do not slack off and put your all into your endeavors. It will be hard in the moment, but your pride and good results will be more than worth it in the end. Living without regrets includes living without the regret of not working hard enough when you could.
12. Ask for help.
Contrary to popular believe, needing help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Recognizing when you cannot do something on your own or when you could do something better if you had assistance, is one of the most valuable abilities one can have.
13. Never, ever, ever compare yourself to others.
It's a lose-lose. Comparing yourself to someone you view as "not as good" as you leads to vanity or a false sense of comfort with whatever you're doing. Comparing yourself to someone you feel is "better" than you makes you feel that it is impossible to get to their level, so why bother trying. Instead, set personal benchmarks and goals for yourself. Don't have a "goals" body, relationship, room, wardrobe or friend group in mind. Design a "goals" life for yourself in your head not based on anyone or anything else. Work toward it with everything you have. Compare yourself today to yourself before and be proud of yourself for the progress that you've made.
