Do you ever look at something and think, "Wow, you are too pure and gentle to exist on this cruel, terrible planet?" Enter my three beloved fur children Peanut, Montague (Monty for short) and Thumper. I don't deserve them; they don't deserve me, the pathetic meme-referencing plebeian I am. They are not of this earth and deserve to be among the gods and cherubs and stars and with everything else that is wholly good. This is my apology letter to them, even though they can't read, and I'm sorry for that, too. Warning: Post includes lots of selfies. Don't read on if you hate pictures of cats and acts of shameless narcissism.
1. I'm sorry I only feed you dry food because opening a can of wet food is too much of a hassle for my lazy self.
You deserve much more than Iams. You all are Fancy Feast- worthy animals.
2. I'm sorry I use your likeness for horrifying Faceswaps.
Your face doesn't deserve to be on mine, and vice versa.
3. I'm sorry I take so many pictures of you while you sleep.
You did not consent to this. I am breaking a golden–and very important–rule.
4. I'm sorry for taking unflattering pictures of you.
I always get your bad side, even though all of your sides are beautiful.
5. I'm sorry for disturbing your peace to take photos of you.
All you wanted to do was relax, and all I did was wreck your life.
6. I'm sorry for documenting awkward paw placement.
I shouldn't, but I do.
7. I'm sorry for being a terrible bed.
You deserve to sleep among the gods. instead you sleep on me, a pile of skin and bones. I don't understand why.
8. I'm sorry I use you for my own entertainment.
You happened to be sitting on the chair, and I decided to cover you in tone-dollar bills because I needed a good laugh. I am a horrible pet owner.
9. I'm sorry for forcing you in all/most of my selfies.
I am a shameless narcissist, and you don't deserve to take part in my self-absorbed millennial shenanigans.
10. I'm sorry I use those weird Snapchat filters on you.
These filters don't make you look any better, so why do I put you through this torture?
11. I'm sorry for putting stupid filters over every picture I take of you.
I like the hearts, but I don't think you do.
12. I'm sorry for kicking you off my lap when I'm trying to do work.
You just want a cozy, warm place to sit, and I deny you of said cozy, warm place.
13. I'm sorry I put parts of my body on you when you're trying to relax.
There is literally no point to this. See point 9.
My beloved cats: I'm sorry I am obsessed with you and mess with your lives just to keep myself mildly amused. You probably hate me because of all of my nonsense. Regardless, I will still cover you in weird things and use all of the Snapchat filters on your wonderful cat faces.
Sincerely,
Amanda.
