'Tis the season for college admissions decisions, and with it comes that wonderful feeling of being accepted to a higher education institute and then that not-so-wonderful feeling of being rejected. Nobody wants to see "we regret to inform you" on that letter in the mail, but it does happen. If it happened to you, you may have stared at that worthless letter thinking it was because your GPA wasn't high enough, your test scores were too mediocre, or your school activities weren't impressive enough. In reality, however, it was more likely it was one of the following reasons:
1.You were too good for them.
2. A student of your stature deserves a full ride plus a weekly payment for just attending a university such as theirs.
Unfortunately, they just couldn't afford it.
3. The admissions officer just had a terrible breakup and showed up to work a complete mess.
They looked at your application, noticed you were the same sex as their now ex-significant other, started to curse you as if you were the one that did them wrong, and hit "reject" in an emotional outburst before they fell off of their chair to the floor, crying and cursing.
4. Some student came in with a sob story.
They knew you would be talented enough to be successful without their school, so they gave your spot to the other student.
5. They looked you up on the internet, saw you were attractive, became jealous, and rejected you out of bitterness.
6. Your taste in music is groovy, and their's is lame.
7. They just hired a new admissions officer who accidently put the "accepted" applications into the "rejected" pile and vice versa, and they're currently having a mental breakdown.
7. You would have made all the other students look bad.
8. God knew that if you went there, something awful would happen to you, so He had to stop you from even the possibility of making the worst decision of your life.
He sent one of His angels to earth to awaken the admissions officer, who was innocently dreaming of how amazing your application was and how wonderful you must be in person.
Then, all of a sudden, a loud voice entered the dream and awoke them from their happiness. The angel had transformed into a terrifying creature and boomed "YOU SHALL NOT ACCEPT (insert your name here) INTO YOUR UNIVERSITY! FOR IF YOU DO, YOU AND YOUR INSTITUTE SHALL ENDURE UNSPEAKABLE SUFFERING FOR ALL ETERNITY!"
Even in their startled state, the admissions officer wept and begged to let you in. "Oh! Powerful being! Please! Please let me accept such an amazing student into the university! (insert your name here) is so smart! So talented! So much potential! And I have a very good feeling they are extremely good looking!"
Despite the pleas of the weeping admissions officer below him, the angel resounded, "NO! YOU MUST REJECT THEM OR FOREVER PAY THE PRICE!", and in a black cloud of smoke, the angel disappeared.
The admissions officer then wiped off the tears and snot all over their face, but it was no use; the tears and snot only returned as the officer crawled back into bed and cried themself to sleep at the thought of having to reject such a fine candidate.
Early the next morning, the officer grudgingly placed your application in the "reject" pile and cried all over again.
9. Your ex also applied to the school, and they are just so evil that they hacked into the school's database, found your application, and put it in the "reject" pile.
10.The person reviewing your application was having a bad day and rejected every single application they laid their eyes upon.
11. Your mom called and threatened them with every single mom threat in the book until
12. Your best friend called and threatened to have the college "catch these hands" if they admitted you because that school was just too far from them.
13. An ancient curse controls the school and only allows them to accept so-so people.
Bottom line: it really doesn't matter if you get rejected from a college. College admissions decisions don't define your intelligence, your talent, your potential: they do not define you. And if you do get rejected from a school, is it really a "rejection"? It's just a school giving you an "it's not you, it's me." And they're right: it really is just them.
