Schools across the country, my hometown school district included, have warned parents about the dangers of watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. The show deals with serious topics such as substance abuse, crime, bullying, death, rape, and suicide. However, never are these topics addressed as jokes or presented in a distasteful way. What these school districts fail to realize is that Hannah Baker tells the truth. She tells all of our truths about what it’s like to go to high school where your peers only see selective individuals as they walk through you in the hallway. Hannah Baker tells my truth. She related to how I felt while going to high school with mean girls and a student body who saw nothing as I sat silently in my desk chair. It’s time for parents to stop saying, “Not my kid” and for youth to stop hurting their peers without consequence. School districts, parents, students, and the world need to recognize the painful things kids do to one another and stop citing, “kids will be kids” as an excuse for belligerent behavior.
Here are some of the important lessons that school districts failed to recognize within the show.
1. Our actions have consequences.
The aggressors on the tapes learn that there’s no running away from the shame and punishments that follow their vicious attacks against Hannah.
2. Our actions affect others.
Every decision we make regardless of whether it affects us immensely has at least a small butterfly effect on another’s life. For instance, dropping an old friend to make more time for new ones can leave the original friend feeling unwanted and worthless. Much like Hannah felt when Alex and Jessica left her behind for each other and a more popular crowd.
3. Show kindness through bravery always.
Sheri was known for being kind, but her fear over the consequences for knocking over the STOP sign cost Jeff his life. Sheri wasn’t brave enough to do the right thing. Though Courtney was while testifying in court when she tells the truth about her interactions with Hannah. She may have mistreated her in the past, but that day her bravery was the most she could do to help her. Sometimes the right thing isn’t the easiest thing to do. Sometimes that means standing up for someone who is being mistreated while risking your own social standing with the aggressors.
4. Recognize truth.
Be it your truth, their truth, or somewhere in the middle. The real truth usually falls there. As we’ve seen in the second season Hannah omitted many details from the tapes about her interactions with her peers. Each person saw their experience with Hannah from their own perspective and she saw it from hers. What may have been aggressive to a girl who was already hurt may not have seemed like a big deal to someone with a brighter outlook.
5. Be brave and own up to your mistakes.
All thirteen tape characters, the school, and Hannah’s parents need to recognize the part they played in Hannah’s life and how that part failed her in a dire circumstance. No human on this earth has lived without making a mistake. On the contrary, most humans on this earth live without owning up to those mistakes and apologizing to those who they’ve wronged.
6. You never know what’s going on in someone's life so don’t do things to make their life worse.
There is a beauty to being able to feel our emotions internally, but it’s also a curse. People don’t always show how they’re feeling on the outside so we don’t know whether someones a victim of domestic violence, if they’re boyfriend recently broke up with them, if they just scored their dream job, if their sister just died, if they bought a new puppy, and so on. Be as kind to people as you possibly can, even maybe when they don’t deserve it. Heavy emotions can weigh a person down and put them in a sour mood. You may just be the smile that changes their mind about life. If only Hannah’s bullies had embodied this lesson.
7. Your life is worth something.
Even if people don’t say it when they should, you mean more to someone then you might think. Clay, Tyler, and Zach all cared deeply about Hannah but were too afraid to say it while she was alive. Mr. and Mrs. Baker are destroyed with grief without their beloved daughter. They want nothing more than to hold her and tell her how much she is loved. If Hannah had known how much she would be missed after her death she might have given life a few more chances. Never underestimate what you mean to someone. There is someone out there who sees your value even when you don’t.
8. Don’t use people like they are objects in order to put yourself in a better light.
Human beings are not toothbrushes. They shouldn’t be used to brighten your smile and then tossed away when they’ve done their job. Human beings have feelings, hopes, dreams, lives, and goals. You are a human being if you are reading this so tell me would you want to feel disposable? If the answer is what I expect it to be then that’s right you don’t want to feel that way and no one else does either. Don’t be a Justin or a Courtney or a Marcus. Use your own talents to help you shine, not a fellow person.
9. Not my kid!
Oh yes, your kid! Do I even have to explain this one? The amount of times this not only shows up in the show but is seen in real life is unfathomable. Just from experience let me tell you it is not fun to deal with a parent who refuses to believe that their child is anything but an angel. Guess what all you parents out there, your kids do mean, awful, shameful things all the time, but of course, you don’t believe me. Who am I to say your halo-ed cherub makes mistakes? The big issue with parents is that they forget their children have secrets and hide the things they know are wrong from their parents out fear of getting in trouble thus not getting that shiny new Jeep they had their eyes on. Also, most people forget that even good kids do mean things. Growing up is a learning process and in order to learn, kids make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are pretty rotten. In addition, a person’s actions are not necessarily connected. For example, Marcus who is the student body president on his way to Harvard. He does great things for his school but disrespects Hannah when he attempts to sexually assault her off school grounds. Just because you get great grades and show a smiling face doesn’t mean you are incapable of hurting a friend.
10. Even good people make REALLY BAD mistakes.
Sheri, Zach, Marcus, and Courtney are prime examples of this. They shine on the outside and do everything they can to improve the school community, but they let their mistakes define them. If they own up to the wrongs they’ve committed then they’ll realize that it is possible to apologize, accept the consequence, and move on with their successfully projected lives. A bad decision doesn’t define who you are it merely shows that you’re capable of wrong.
11. Don’t blow off other’s words.
Just because it’s not your truth doesn’t mean it’s not somebody else’s. Everyone sees situations differently from their own perspectives. A person can be more affected by something than someone else based on past experiences, the nature of their personality, and the nurture of their environment. If someone accuses you of hurting them don’t automatically assume they are wrong, sensitive, or overdramatic. Assess the situation from their perspective. Also, don’t take other’s words lightly. If someone shows signs of depression, sadness, or potential suicide don’t assume the ultimate won’t happen. Please get them help because people thought Hannah was being dramatic, but look where that label got her.
12. It is not ok to mistreat others.
The damage you cause will come back to you. Don’t think it won’t. If you live your life only caring about yourself, treating your peers as roadkill in your path that path will come to a dead end sooner or later. There will always be someone that mistreats you at some point, but you choose whether you become them to someone else.
13. Your words have value. You choose whether they are put to good use.
Kindness is a dying trend and real love is on its way to extinction. The 13 Reasons Why characters struggle with this lesson most of all. Fortunately, they are fictional. Created merely to reflect past real-life occurrences. Learn from their mistakes so that we may live in a safer, kinder world.
If you’ve already seen this show take another look while keeping these lessons in mind. Think about the times in your life you’ve been hurt by others and think harder about the times you yourself may have hurt others. It may not have been a big deal for you, but it could have been for them. Friendship is messy, but did you fix the mess or create it? Are there people from your past you owe an apology to? Reach out and be brave. It’s time to heal the world and end these unnecessary tragedies.
If you or anyone you know is dealing with a dangerous situation go to 13reasonswhy.info for help.
