I've learned a lot about love in my short 23 years. This is not to say I've experienced many instances of love within those 23 years, but rather that I have learned what love isn't, and what it should be.
Through my own experiences and watching friends and family in their relationships, and in their breakups, I have learned what love should look like, and what to absolutely not accept from people in relationships. And in case there is anyone who needs to hear is, here are 12 undeniably true statements about love:
1. Love is not a feeling.
Having feelings for someone is not the same as loving them, and loving someone comes with a lot more than just feelings. Loving someone takes work, compromise, conversation, and action...not just feeling something for them.
2. Love is not a pickup line.
Saying "I love you" should NEVER be used as a way to get into someone pants. Those three words are powerful, and using them without meaning them for the sake of a pickup line is manipulation.
3. Love is not an apology.
You cannot use your love or saying "I love you" as a means to apologize. Rather, you should say "I'm sorry. I love you." and then change the behavior. After all, the best apology is changed behavior.
4. Love is not all about you.
Love is sacrifice, and putting someone else before yourself. Love is learning how not to be selfish, and how to make someone else happy. Love is not all about you. It's about you and someone else...together.
5. Love is not a free pass.
No one can use love as an excuse for anything. This works with both parties. Love is not an excuse to be manipulative or violent, but it is also not an excuse to do whatever you want either. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you own them, and just because you love someone doesn't justify your poor behavior or choices.
6. Love is a gift.
Not everyone is lucky enough to experience love, so if you are it's time to acknowledge that love is a gift.
7. Love is respect.
Nothing screams "I love you" louder than respecting your significant other. You're both individuals with your own dreams, desires, and goals, but now is the time to start dreaming and setting goals together. This, of course, must be done while taking each other into consideration.
8. Love is hard work.
Loving someone isn't as easy as it sounds. Sure, you get the perks of being in a relationship, and all that goes along with it...but you also have to put in the work. To love is to listen to understand, sacrifice your pride when necessary, and to compromise when you can.
9. Love is an abundance of patience.
Honesty time...there will be times when your significant other drives you absolutely nuts. There will be times when they do or say things you don't understand. There may even be times when they make the same mistake for the 15th time. And for all of this, and so much more, you'll need patience.
10. Love is acceptance.
Everyone comes with baggage. Some people may have bigger suitcases than others, but everyone comes with something. In order for your love story to be successful, you've got to be willing to move the bags aside and take them as they are.
11. Love is shown, not told.
"I love you" is powerful, but it means nothing if your actions don't match the phrase. You've heard it for years: actions speak louder than words. So don't just tell them you love them...actually love them, and show them that you love them.
12. Love is a choice.
Love isn't always the easiest thing to do, and sometimes throwing in the towel seems like your best option. It's important to remember in those times, however, that love is a choice. Love is a conscious decision you make each and every day, sometimes each and every moment, even when it's hard and even when it hurts. You still have to choose it.
