Serving and I have an on-again off-again relationship. Some days are great (i.e. when people are pleasant and I leave the restaurant flush with cash). Other days, I leave with a layer of grease across my face, potato in my hair, jelly stuck to my shoe, espresso burns on my hands, an empty wallet and a morale lower than low. A lot of the time, these days are determined by the types of customers that come into the store. Here are some of the best and worst customers that servers deal with on a regular basis. Do you fit into any of these categories?
1. The Indecisive Customer
If this is you, I probably come to your table four or five times before you actually place an order. I understand that it's a large menu and you've never been here before, but when I give you 10 minutes to peruse, you should probably have some sort of idea of what you want—or at least if you're leaning toward breakfast or lunch. I'm the queen of indecisiveness, and somehow I'm able to make a decision by the time the server comes back. And just so you know, the longer you wait to order, the more time I have to forget about you...which is a very real possibility some days.
2. The Adorable Elderly Person
These are some of my favorite customers. They're polite, they appreciate my efforts, and they usually throw me a compliment in some way, shape or form. The only downside is that they usually don't leave the best tips. They think they're being generous by leaving 10 percent (probably because that was a good tip at one point in time). I suppose it's the thought that counts...
3. The Crabby Elderly Person
If this is me when I'm 80, someone please slap me across the face. I don't care if it sends me into cardiac arrest. Slap some of that horrid, crotchety, rude behavior right out of me. Because that's how bad it is. This person is usually displeased with nearly everything about his or her experience. I can wear the biggest, brightest smile, and the corners of his or her mouth will not even quiver (unless it's to frown, of course). The funny thing is, as unpleasant as they claim their experience was, they usually leave the same sized tip as the Adorable Elderly Person. So, I mean, it couldn't have been that bad...
4. The Amend-er
"I'd like the Greek salad with no olives or feta cheese. Instead I'd like goat cheese and extra tomatoes. And dressing on the side, please. Oh, and could I get that with mostly spinach? Just like, pick out some of the other mixed greens and add more spinach. That will be fine. And a diet coke. No ice though. Yes. Thank you." Sigh.
5. The Preteen
I would like all preteens to know that we fight over who has to take your table. We take turns suffering on your behalf. We stand there through the giggles and selfies while we take your order. We take your picture so you can post it on Instagram. We take your cash that your mom gave you, we give you change, and get nothing back. If anything, we get the contents of your wallet—your spare change—dumped in a heap in the middle of your messy, ketchup-stained, crumb-filled table. Thank you so much for your generosity. I can maybe even buy a gum ball now! Maybe. I know these are generalizations, but they're pretty accurate generalizations.
6. The Unruly Child
Sit down. Sit down, sit down, sit down. Please don't write on the tables. Sit down. If you could stop screaming, that would be great. No, don't hit your brother. Quit tearing the paper off the crayons, please. Sit down. Why are your parents doing nothing? Why are they saying nothing? Please don't pull another customer's hair in the booth behind you. I'd appreciate it if you ate your applesauce instead of smearing it on the table. No. Please. Sit down.
7. The Ignoring Customer
This person doesn't like to acknowledge that the server is a living, breathing human being. This person walks in the door, I welcome him or her to the restaurant and get no response. Not even a glance. This person walks right past the "Please Wait To Be Seated" sign, and plops down at the table of his or her choice. This person doesn't look at the server, even when they're ordering. They give back the menu without any eye contact, and they're usually successful in leaving the restaurant without saying anything besides, "Large iced tea, black. Veggie burger, chips on the side." OK, cool.
8. The Impatient Customer
It's a Saturday. There's a lunch rush. You order a bison burger. If you say to me, how-much-longer-on-the-bison-burger-I'm-in-a-hurry five minutes after you've placed your order, I'm going to have to remind you that there is a lunch rush. I'm going to have to remind you that there are a few more orders ahead of yours, and that bison burgers take a while. And when you look at me with disgust, I'm going to offer to switch your order to something else that doesn't take as long, and you'll probably shake your head in a huff and pout until your food comes. I'm so sorry you lack the ability to recognize when you should or should not order an item that takes 20 minutes when you're in a hurry.
9. The Good Tipper
This is fascinating to me. I've been trying to figure out trends in regards to who is a good tipper, and I am still stumped. Sometimes I'm right. Young adults are usually pretty good because the broke college life is still fresh in their minds. A lot of middle-aged people recognize that, too. But some surprise you. Some people leave a measly seven percent when they seemed like a joy. Others leave a whopping 25 percent when they were an absolute nightmare. Regardless, I appreciate you, Good Tippers. You make my day. You make me feel like a human. You are why I'm a good tipper. Thank you.
10. The "Picky" Eater
This one is in quotations because sometimes it's not actually true. Some people are truly picky and will request a new item right away because they simply don't like what they got. Whatever. That's fine. But the "picky" eaters are just selfish people. They're the ones who say they don't like what they're eating, even though it's almost all gone. Oh, you didn't like it? No one asked you to devour something you hated. The truth is, they just want more food for less money. This doesn't happen often, but it happens. Don't be cheap, people.
11. The Phone-Talker
This is the customer who is on the phone while the server is trying to take their order. I stand there for a few seconds while they continue to be engrossed in their conversation. "Oh, Bob, hold on one second." That's when they look at me and scramble to decide on something. And usually Bob doesn't get the message. He keeps talking. The customer will ask what our specials are and proceed to not listen when I answer the question. They'll ask again. This time they'll hear, and they'll decide on something quickly before returning to their conversation. Even though I know it's not my problem that someone is on the phone, it never fails to make me feel like I'm being rude by interrupting. In reality, it's the Phone-Talker that's being rude.
12. The Perfect Customer
Almost all of the customers described above have been rather negatively portrayed. But I'd like to point out that there are good customers. They exist. They're understanding. They ask for what they want in a pleasant, polite manner. They acknowledge me. They smile. They leave at least an average tip, and they say thank you when I bring them ketchup. They make my job a little easier. They keep me sane. We should all try to be like these people. Because they're the real MVPs.
Serving is a whirlwind, more often than not. It's a draining, time-consuming, messy job that can leave you feeling either tired and content or tired and defeated at the end of a shift. Good customers make a huge difference. We all have days when we don't feel like smiling or talking to anybody. But if we find a way to suck it up for a minute or two, we can make a difference in the way another person's day turns out. And to be honest, a pleasant customer is almost as good as a 25 percent tip.
