You’ve just met your roommate, and the two of you have hit it off. Maybe you come from similar backgrounds. Maybe you like the same music. Maybe you have nothing in common but you click anyway. Then when the time comes for you to spend your first night sleeping in the same living space, your roommate whispers something to you: “By the way—I hope you don’t mind—but I snore.”

And you say to yourself:

1. “Is this what hell is like?”

It must be something similar.

2. “I wish I hadn’t quit coffee for New Year’s.”

Screw it, I’m back on board.

3. “Does anybody else have this problem?”

No? Just me? Great.

4. “These earplugs. Do. Nothing.”

No wonder they were free.

5. “Go to a happy place. Go to a happy place.”


6. “What’s the minimum sentence for pre-meditated murder?”

Weighing my options.

7. “Wait, what if my cellmate snores?”

Still weighing them.

8. “If my roommate asks how I slept one more time...”

It’s so sweet of you to ask.

9. “I feel oddly awake.”

Am I ... changing?

10. “Wait, this is kind of annoying.”

Dang it, now my body’s used to it.

11. “I must have used all my rage.”

Now I am at peace.

12. “And I am very tired.”