Friends are the family you get to choose. You can decide whether you want them in your life or if you think it may be best to separate. Having friends can be a lot of work, which many of you know but didn’t really expect. I don’t believe in expectations in a friendship, but there are some things you need to do to be a good friend. For you, it may be different, but for me, I really only look for these 7 things. If you got them, you’re a keeper, my friend.

1. Understanding

You need a friend who will understand you for you. You need them to understand your personality and how you function. We all grow and change as the years go by, but one thing that will never change is our understanding of each other and our willingness to understand. Another thing with understanding is understanding that friendship isn’t defined by how long you’ve known the person. Your friend must understand that you are friends based on your relationship, not by “oh I’ve know you for seven years, so we have to be better friends than your other friends you’ve known for a year”.

2. Communicate and Time

You need a friend who will communicate with you and get to know you. You need friends who will make time for you, even if it’s a 15-minute coffee break, a get together a month away, or even time to just FaceTime. You don’t have to see each other every day, talk every day, or have these expectations to do so. You just need someone you can talk to and who will still be there for you when you need it. With friendships, there comes a time where you both will move away. Even if you don’t communicate like you used to, you know that you both will remain, friends, because when you do need them, they’re still there.

3. Support

Supporting one another is so important and is a must in any relationship. Why would you want someone in your life who doesn’t support you being yourself, being happy, chasing your dreams, and achieving them? No matter how close you are to that friend, if they don’t support you, they’re really not your friend. With this, though, don't have the expectation of "my friend needs to always support me (emotionally) even when I don't tell them what's going on." They will always root for you, but with supporting each other emotionally through the issues you may be facing, your friend won't know until you tell them. Once you tell them, they need to support you and be there for you because that's what friends are for, love and support. You don’t need anymore negativity and anymore of the feeling of disappointment in your life.

4. Honesty

You need a friend who will be honest with you. This goes along with a friend who supports you. Your friend will tell you if you need to shape up because you’re slacking and not being the person you want to be, if you’re letting yourself get heartbroken because sometimes you just don’t see it, if you have something in your teeth, if your outfit doesn’t match, and even if you smell a bit funky because you just got done working out (but they’ll still hug you and stand next to you to talk to you, true friend). They are honest with you out of love and support. They want what’s best for you. Ultimately, you decide on what you want to do because it’s your life, but whether you like it or not, they tell you the truth because they don’t want you to screw your life over.

5. Trust

Friendship must have trust. If you can’t trust them, there must be a reason why. Not trusting someone over something silly and funny is understandable because at least you understand them enough to know. But not trusting your friend to stand by your side, to be someone who will support you and listen to you, and as a whole on a daily basis, is not the type of friend you need in your life. There are thousands and thousands of people who you won’t trust in life. A true friend shouldn’t be one of them

6. Open-Mindedness and Awareness

This one kind of depends, but I feel like you need a friend who is open-minded about certain topics, issues, and lifestyles. You need a friend who is aware of what’s going on around the world. I see this as something I look for because being open-minded and being aware is a trait I want to keep implementing in my life so that it'll be a part of who I am. With the world full of hate, violence, inequality, and racism (and many others), I am always willing to listen, read, and learn. I don’t necessarily need a friend like this (although it’ll be difficult), but I want a friend who will not only be open-minded and aware but someone who will at least be willing to or willing to listen when needed. It’s hard to have a friend who is close-minded, who doesn’t care about issues going on around the world because it’s “not their issue”. Not sure how long that friendship will go on for.

7. Live, Laugh, and Love

Lastly, you just need a friend who will impact you positively because they’re living their life in a way that makes them happy and successful (just like you). You need a friend who will laugh with you and make you smile. A friend who makes you laugh and is weird and awkward with you are some of the best people out there. They are a part of your happiness and joy. You need a friend who will love you for you. In a world where violence and hate are surfacing more and more, having a friend who will spread the love, is a friend you need to keep.