In the 1980s my parents, not knowing each other at the time, both took the leap to leave middle eastern countries to start over in America. My father attended some high school here then went on to college, but my mother only attended college here. They eventually met through the Sayat Nova Dance Company of Boston and married in 1990. At a young age, my siblings and I learned that you can take people out of the country but you can't take the country out of them. Growing up in a middle eastern household can be at times the greatest/worst thing compared to having parents born in the United States. We may not have as much freedom or "normal" food as non-middle eastern kids but there are a lot of cultural concepts I wouldn't trade for the world.
1. At least two languages are spoken at home.
If you’re a first-generation American like I am, chances are English was not your first language. We were brought up on one language then acquired English through school/friends and now we’re the one teaching our parents proper English. Because of this, our native language is spoken at home by everyone or just our parents but we usually respond to questions asked in another language in English because that’s what we’re used to.
2.Your name can be a struggle for most people.
It’s pronounced Hov-sep-yin I’m not really sure where people get the “f” or “z” when they first try to pronounce it. Honestly every time a professor gets to my name on the attendance sheet I cut them off and just blurt out “Hovsepian” then they give me this silent look of gratitude mixed with relief and I just smile like “don’t worry, it’s been 20 years of this — I got you homie.”
3. Your childhood was pretty strict.
The response from your parents when you asked to go out during your teenage years went as followed: “Where are you going? Who are you going with? When will you be home? What’s their shoe size? Their social security number? Do they have a curfew? Are they doing well in school? What are their parents like? How many people will be there? Do they do drugs? Who will be driving? Are they middle eastern? Will their parents be there?” Basically asking to go out was a test of a series of questions you needed to pass in order to leave the house. On the small chance you were granted passage into the American world, your curfew was 9 o’clock until you got to college then it was probably 10.
4. The evil eye is everywhere.
The evil eye is a curse believed by many cultures to be cast by a malicious or hostile glare, usually when a person is unaware. Receiving the evil eye will cause bad luck or injury so the way to combat this glare? Talismans! Hamsa hands are used commonly, but a nazar amulet can be seen hanging from just about anything from cars to an office space or even worn by babies.
5. You avoided having American/non-ethnic friends over.
It’s not that we’re embarrassed of our culture — because we’re not, we’re damn proud of it — it’s just that explaining everything to people who don’t understand is exhausting. Also, having American friends over can be stressful because you don't know what will scare them off. Usually people are just interested in trying hookah but if we’re blessed enough to find someone not from our culture who isn’t easily frightened by over the top home decor and they just eat whatever is handed to them, then that person is a keeper for life.
6. You have rugs everywhere.
Hard wood floors? Persian rugs. Carpet? Persian rug. Coming in from the garage? Persian rug. Bathroom? Persian rug. Wall? Persian rug. Stairs? Persian rug. Closet? Persian rug. Porch? Persian rug. Couch? Persian rug. The dog’s cage? Persian rug. Table? Persian Rug. Car? Persian rug. Bed? Persian rug. Persian rug? Persian rug. That last one was a joke but it could be possible.
7. Communication can be hard.
No dad, “lol” does not mean lots of love. No mom, just because we say something is “sick” that doesn’t mean it has a cold … last time I checked objects can’t have colds. We constantly have to explain the ever changing trendy slang terms and the different social media outlets. I have to give my parents some credit though, sometimes they’ll use slang I didn’t explain to them correctly in a sentence and it blows my mind/scares me a little bit.
8. Family is everything.
Your cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles are like your best friends/siblings/people you aren’t even related to. You were brought into this world surrounded by your huge family and you’ll leave this world surrounded by your huge family. It’s basically an unwritten rule.
9. Dating someone not of your ethnicity is like trying to explain quantum physics to a child.
It’s not impossible per se but it’s challenging. I’m fortunate enough to be dating someone half middle eastern who gets the culture but I’ve had siblings and friends date non-middle eastern people and it’s like a year in the making process before you let them come to a middle-eastern event or even meet at least one parent.
10. Your fridge at college is stocked with traditional food your mom made.
Being away at college without your mom’s cooking is a straight up struggle. So when my mom comes by and drops off middle eastern food it’s like God sending rain when I've been in the desert for weeks. The only downside to this is that your mini fridge can start to smell like too many spices or herbs which your roommate is not as used to as you are. But would I trade homemade tabouleh and dolma with a side of eetch for left over Domino's? No thanks.
11. You text in another language usually mixed with English words.
If we’re lucky enough, our older family memebers have figured out how to text just as well as us and with that comes texting in our native language. Texting Armenians for me is always a mix of Armenian and English (Armenglish is definitely a thing — don't fight me on this). We do this for many reasons: being sneaky when we think someone is reading our texts, phrases don’t translate as well, or sometimes it’s subconscious because our first language is easier to type out than English words. It’s totally normal and effortless for us and it’s a great way of keeping our culture alive in a modern age!
12. You were taught that your work ethic and determination is very important.
On a more serious note, being raised by people who came to America barely knowing English but now having great jobs and putting four kids through college almost twenty years later is extremely inspiring. Knowing your parents can come to a new country and start over in order to give you better life chances makes you realize that working hard is immensely important. Having a strong work ethic and a good education is not only going to get us through life and pay the bills, it also allows us to thank our parents and show them that their struggles weren’t for nothing.
