While everyone chooses to parent in their own way, there are a few facts that we can all relate to. These 12 things are so common they might as well be in a book.
1. Everyone knows the best way to raise your child, except for you.
Everyone will tell you what is best for your child and then everyone else will tell you the complete opposite. Don't take it personally, it's just how it is.
2. You will permanently have dark circles under your eyes.
Stock up on the concealer! It won't make them disappear, but at least you'll look (semi-) human.
3. Clean clothes only last about 5 minutes. Getting ready in the morning might as well mean finding the LEAST dirty article of clothing.
What should I wear today? The one with baby spit up on the shoulder or the one with spit up on the back? You choose the lesser of two evils.
4. If you want to arrive anywhere on time, you must leave at least 30 minutes early.
Go ahead and plan on taking at least two trips to get out of the house. Compensate for the lost time of putting your baby inside the car seat by adding another ten minutes. Running late? Might as well stop for breakfast, you're not going to be on time.
5. You will find yourself talking in a baby voice to a grown adult at least once.
"How are you today? How are you? Are you good? Are you being a good girl? Yes you are!" Expect odd stares and immediate embarrassment. You'll get used to it.
6. Anybody who is not a parent will be utterly confused and slightly uncomfortable at your ability to discuss bowel movements so openly and frequently.
"My baby pooped three times yesterday! I was so proud!" When you look up, everyone will be either gone or in awe.
7. You will seriously considering shaving your head bald to save time and pain.
Buns or braids are your safest bet but you'll still get your hair pulled. You won't even THINK about putting your hair down for a second.
8. People will be more interested in your child than you and answering questions about your baby will become second nature.
He's good. He's sleeping. He's starting solids. He's seven months. He's alive. He's breathing. etc.
9. Multitasking will become a breeze!
Yes, I can eat while feeding a baby and writing a research paper. I can carry a diaper bag, backpack, my phone, his pacifier, his toys, his carseat, AND my car keys at one time.
10. Earrings that dangle? No, just no.
I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Studs are dangerous on their own. Hoops or anything that dangles is a death wish.
11. You will have no idea what to do half of the time and that's okay.
Am I supposed to warm up the baby food every time? Can he eat this popsicle? Am I spoiling him too much? Is he going to be permanently scarred from falling off the couch/bed?
12. Last but not least, your child WILL be the cutest kid in the world.
Don't even try to argue. Your child is and will always be the cutest in the world to you.
