When my fiance proposed to me it was the happiest day of my life! I wanted to scream from the rooftops and just jump for joy. I honestly did not believe it actually happened when I woke up the next day.But like always, good things come to an end. When I began to tell people I was engaged I got some very frustrating and exasperating responses that made me want to pull my hair out and punch some people in the face. So here are the things I wish people would stop saying when I tell them I am getting married.
1. But he’s in the military
What?!?! I had no clue! Oh my gosh someone call me stupid because I had no idea! I mean you think when he told me the very first day I met him that it would click but gosh oh gee I guess it did not!
Seriously ya'll I know he is in the military and believe it or not I realized and researched what the military life is going to be like before we even got serious! I know the sacrifices and the struggles, but I am willing to go through them because I love him and he is worth it.
2. You’re never going to see him how is that a marriage?
Umm...excuse me?!? What exactly do you think he is going to be doing that he is hardly or never going to be there? I mean he is not going on deployments everyday nor is he gone for the whole day all the time. I mean yes there are going to be days that I do not see him. But you know what we have gone months without seeing each other so I think we can handle not seeing each other for a day or two. And if we cannot handle not seeing each other or being with one another every single day then I say we have more to worry about when it comes to our marriage.
3. You’re going to move around a lot you know that right?
Again yes I know! Because I did my freaking research! I know you are just trying to make sure this is something I really want to do, but sheesh give me some benefit of the doubt. And for the record moving every 3-4 years possibly 2 does not sound that bad and it is something I have done before. Plus hey I get to see new places and meet new people that sounds amazing! And you know what else he is freaking worth 'moving around a lot' because it is not where I live that matters but who I am with that matters.
4. You’re not ready
How? Why? No, I seriously want to know because if you are going to judge whether or not I am ready for marriage then you better have some really good and thought out reasons other than because your marriage did not work out, because I am too young, or because people who get married young divorced young too.
5. You haven't known each other long enough.
You know this one is one of the comments that bother me because exactly how long do we have to be together for it to be okay to get married? And for that matter why do we have to follow your standard for how long a relationship should be before getting married. To me, two years sounds like a good time to know if you want to marry someone. Plus we are not getting married right away so I do think if we did not know each other very well we have plenty of time to know each other.
6. Why are you waiting so long?
7. Why would you want to get married?
Because we love each other? Because we want to spend the rest of our lives together? Because when we look at each other we see what we each can bring into our lives? Because we are better together and we compliment one another? Because there is honestly no one else we rather be with in a relationship.
8. Why would you? You’re going to get a divorce anyways.
Okay, wow, well now you are no longer someone I want to associate with or even be acquaintances with because I do not want you bringing that negativity in my marriage or my relationship with my future husband. Who says we are getting a divorce. What in the world makes you think we will get one? Show some kindness and some manners please.
9. You’re making a mistake...
Wow well then I do not see how marrying a man who is financially stable, knows what he wants, is motivated, respectful, kind, honest, friendly, funny, a christian, smart, and so much more is a mistake. Please do tell me how marrying someone I love with all my heart is a mistake and tell me how you are qualified to tell me this marriage is going to be a mistake. If this is a mistake then fine let me make it but please do not belittle my relationship.
10. Are you sure you thought this through?
Yes I am absolutely sure I thought this through. It was not like I just woke up and was like you know what I am going to marry him. I did not even think of marriage until almost a year into our relationship in fact he was the first one to bring up . I literally researched, followed blogs of military relationships and marriage, listened to podcasts, signed onto military relationship sites, asked people who were or are in military relationships, and even read books about military relationships just so I would be informed on what it is like and if this is something I want to pursue. And you know what, after doing all of this and looking at my significant other and our relationship I decided yes I do want to marry him.
11. Aren’t you too young? Or But You’re a baby!
I may be young in age but you know what I like to think I am pretty mature for my age. I still have my childish moments, but I have gone through a lot that has forced me to mature and just be responsible. So yeah I am young, but honestly my age has nothing to do with my ability to be married. I am legal so you cannot throw that at me and anything I need to learn I will learn it on the way.
12. Think about all that you are going to miss out on!
What exactly am I going to miss out on? What exactly can I not do when I am married that I can do when I am single? Get drunk, hang out at bars, check out and hit on guys? That is just not me and it is not what I like to do. Go on adventures? Who says I cannot do that with my future husband? Have alone time? Umm yeah I can (mind you that will be difficult when we have kids, but we are not even close to that yet). Hang out with my girlfriends? I can still do that. I am looking forward to doing all the things I can in a marriage and if the things I am going to 'miss out on' when I am single I cannot do with the man I love then are they really worth doing?
I know some people do not understand nor agree with my decision, but sometimes it would be great if some support was given. I will never be fully ready for marriage, but you know what I will learn on the way. Just please think before you ask certain questions or even say something because these comments can be hurtful or even frustrating to hear all the time. And that saddest part is I am not alone in hearing these comments or being hurt, frustrated, or just tired from all of them. Almost anyone who has been or is getting married young has heard these comments and questions and one thing we could ask is if ya'll could stop and just take in consideration how these comments come across.
