Recently, I came into conversation with a man, who, when he found out I was a pastor's kid, started laughing and asking if I fit the "PK stereotype." This got me thinking. I have been a pastor's kid as long as I can remember. I've had moments where I loved being a PK and moments when I wished I was anything but. Through one of my parents is in ministry, I have had the opportunity to participate in a lot of fun events and activities, and I've gotten to meet a ton of new friends. As a PK, you meet other PK's from around your conference. These other kids become some of your closest allies and friends because they are some of the only people who understand and can relate to the struggles one faces when being a pastor's kid. I brought this subject of "PK stereotypes" up to my co-PK's who told me some of the biggest struggles they faced. All of the pastors' kids that I'm either friends with or have come in contact with, all agree that there are some common misconceptions towards pastors' children. I hope that this article makes people question their split judgments and understand that we are regular people. We're normal, just like you. Here are 12 of the most common misconceptions.
1. Goody two shoes by day, crazy party animal by night.
If you tell someone, "My mom and/or dad is a pastor," they look strangely at you in response. Then there's either a "You're probably a perfect angel, Jesus child, huh?" or the "Wow, you must be part of the PK rebel stereotype." You can not define a person as strictly rebellious or strictly refined and perfect. We all have moments of rebellion and moments where we are somewhat angelic.
2. The bad kid stereo-type(s): Always the rule breaker, most likely to get in trouble, never listens to what you've been told to do or a perfect child, who never breaks the rules, never gets in trouble and has ascended from heaven.
Nobody on earth is a perfect Saint, and we should not be pressured to try and achieve that perfection. In God's eyes, we are perfect the way we are, and if you've read scripture, it tells us as much. We shouldn't feel the need to change ourselves. The only thing God tells us that we need to do is love our neighbor as ourselves. It's kind of hard to be comfortable worshiping and attending church when there is the constant pressure to be the perfect being put on our shoulders.
3. The assumption that our "Daddy" is "super strict and controlling."
Not speaking for everyone here, but in my family, my dad isn't even my pastoral parent; it's my mom. Not every religion or denomination requires a pastor to be a man, and there a quite a few pastors that are women. Please, don't assume that the father is the minister in the family because there is a 50 percent chance that it's the mother. My parents were never extremely controlling, overbearing sometimes, but what parent doesn't have moments of being a "helicopter parent." We may pretend to loathe the moments when our parents are looking over our shoulders, but secretly we appreciate them. Not everyone is so lucky as to have parents who are so present in their lives. This means that they love us and want to help us in any way to ensure we achieve happiness and success.
4. Our lives replicate "Footloose" or "A Walk to Remember."
If only we all had a Ren McCormack, Kevin Bacon, in our lives or angelic voices like Jamie Sullivan, Mandy Moore. By the way, we've always been allowed to dance. Some of us even used to take dance classes; personally, not once have I been separated from the guy I was dancing with and told that I needed to "leave room for Jesus" or that "dancing leads to sin." It's a funny sight to picture.
5. Our outfits have to be "church approved," or our parents pick out all of our clothes.
Personally, my parents were never overly strict on my choice of clothing. I was allowed to pick out what I wanted to wear. My parents were always very supportive in my journey of developing my individual sense of style. I respect my appearance, and I don't want people making snap judgments about me because of what I'm wearing or the amount of skin being shown. I never have bought clothing that would be anything but flattering and appropriate. If I can't feel comfortable in my clothes in public, why should I buy them? That being said, we have all heard "modest is hottest" and that our "body is a temple," but it wasn't branded into our skin.
6. We are "closer to God" because of our parents job.
As PK's, we're not any closer to God than anyone else. We do in fact have things that we would love to talk to someone about and questions to be asked. Our faith is not absolute because of our parents' jobs. We have questioned our faith, and we do have moments of uncertainty. We are human, just like you.
7. We have the Bible memorized, word for word to be exact.
Growing up, it felt like people couldn't perceive that a pastor's child didn't inherently know the Bible. Yes, we have heard the entire Bible used through sermons and have all studied certain books or scriptures, but we don't memorize it like a monologue. If we can quote a part of scripture, it's because it is important to or has meaning in our life. Plus, if you hear something enough, it will just stick. There are basic verses that most people can quote or at least know. Does John 3:16 or Jeremiah 29:11 ring a bell?
8. Every action we make or words we speak are reflections of our pastoral parent.
Most of us have at some point, felt like anything we said or did reflected the church and our parent, and that with even the smallest misstep, people would make comments about our pastoral parent. Why would it be ok to assume that we have to be fully invested in the church and that our actions and words reflect our parent's job or their ability to do their job? None of the other kids who attend church are expected to be so perfect. Sometimes, it was like we couldn't just be kids fidgeting in the pews, coloring during the sermons and falling asleep during offering, but every other child there could.
9. We expect special treatment from the church.
Every pastor's child can probably agree that we always have always hated that people looked at us like we thought we deserved some kind of special treatment from the congregation; when in reality, we wanted to be treated like another member of the church. That's what we are, regardless of being a PK. We are not a part of our parent's job. We are individuals who don't expect to be spoiled, and we don't believe that we deserve special attention.
10. There is an expected attendance or participation in every church event.
Do you attend every single church event, the dinners, Soup Saturdays, rummage sales, fundraisers, mission trips, every youth group meeting or Sunday school class. What about every single church service? Not just the Sunday morning ones, but also the Maundy Thursday, Christmas Eve, New Years Eve, Good Friday and all the other services are held outside of the regular Sunday morning schedule. Why should we be expected to? We don't sit at home waiting to go to potlucks, raffle dinners or craft fairs. We have basketball practice, rehearsal, hours of homework to be done and jobs that we work. There are not enough hours for us to attend school, complete hours of homework so that grades can be maintained, go to practice/rehearsal and work a job shift, all the while trying to get enough hours of sleep to be a functioning human. How does that work?
11. We are only pastors kids; all of our time is given to the church.
Not a single pastor's child is just a pastors child. We are so much more. We are scholars, athletes, musicians, actors, singers, artists, debaters, missionaries, comedians, dancers and most importantly, we are children of God, who want no more than to be treated as an equal, just like you.
